As Persian girls, we grow up with our parents putting EXTRA pressure on us to remain… innocent… Persian wife material…virgins. Its no longer about losing it someone you love and care about, its about the gossip that will form around our actions within our Iranian community. Its about not being able to find a suitable Iranian husband because we opened our legs at one point in our lives (or 2).
But why is it that other girls (the white girls) can be so free about sex and do it when they want without the consequences of being shunned by their family? And more importantly, what do we Persian girls do instead? In Iran, many girls use the backdoor (anal- for those of you not witty enough to understand) to maintain “their virginity.”
“Sorry, my future husband has to break my hymen on our wedding night so he won’t divorce me… but you can put it in here instead.”
In the U.S., we aren’t as strictly bounded by the threat that our hymen not breaking on our wedding night will lead to divorce. Because let’s be real, hymens can break from anything (ex. going horseback riding- not that Iranians really do that anyway, but I rode a few ponies when I was kid…). Therefore, in an effort to maintain our “virgin status,” some of us stick to “just the tip.”
Don't worry mom, I didn't have sex... Just the tip...
But honestly, where’s the fun in that? Just the tip is equivalent to allowing yourself to having ONE bite of a delicious ice cream sundae when you are on a diet. And what’s the point of it anyway? You let the guy put in a tiny bit of his doodool, then you freak out that its going to mean you are having sex and push them away? And how many tips does it take till it equals a full doodool and you’ve technically “had sex?” Honestly joonies, its not worth it. Stick to blow jobs (jk).
OK seriously… Growing up, I really struggled with sex and the varying feelings of guilt I had every time I let a guy in my pants (not that it stopped me, but I could never really look my parents in the eye). I finally lost my virginity at age 20 to someone I really think I loved (look for that story coming soon). But, I was never able to be honest about my sex life with my family (obviously) or even the Persian guys I dated. I feel like so often, I strive to make others perceive me as this innocent, little Persian girl. When in reality: I am not a slut… I haven’t slept around… and just because I have had sex doesn’t mean I have done anything wrong and neither have YOU.
So for all you ladies out there feeling torn as to what to do… whether or not you should be having sex even though your parents have forbid you to do so, consider this: Sex is not taboo. It is not going to cause you to go to hell nor is it going to prevent you from finding the man of your dreams. Sex is fun and feels fucking great (after the 30th time you do it). But be careful: don’t wear your vagina on your sleeve. Be tactful and find your own morals to abide by.
Feeling guilty? Or do you think I’m full o’ shit? Share it with us- we understand what you are going through.
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XO XO,
You’re hyman will only break from a penis or penis like object pushing it. You can’t do it with your fingers, you can’t do it jogging, you can’t do it with a tampon, you can’t do it riding (I have ridden horses for about 20 years, 16 of them I remained a virgin until a man’s penis broke the skin in my vagina. None of my friends or family that ride have ever had it break from a horse… I really can’t see how it’s possible.) And it’s not really like when it breaks you have no idea what is happening. It is usually painful and slightly bloodly. You will have fair warning that you’re tearing skin.
Don’t be afraid to have fun doing all sorts of crazy activities (non sexual) and remain a biologically proven virgin.
Sorry for the grammatical issues (it’s 3 a.m. on the east coast where I am right now).