*Read before you hate, please.
So, I’m just going to speak on behalf of Farrah and myself. But if you feel like you really get me—then feel free to join the movement.
(Now I know OCCUPYSOMETHING is a serious movement, but we keep as nonpolitical, areligious on this blog as possible so if you’re about to get SERYOOHHS Edward Petrossi style–then byeeeeee)
Let me tell you about 99% of girls and how they interact with their men. Yeeeeea not just Persians but all girls- Black, White, Puerto Rican, Chinese girls (if you get this reference, we should really be together)
They’re kind of like Congress:
- There’s always a fucking stall on the next move you’ll make: this includes something as small as ‘what do i text him’, or as big as when to sleep with him.
- Debates are as public as C-Span, but most often just as boring and pointless.
- You’re always down for a filibuster, cause then you won’t have to make up your mind.
- And you’ll always have that over-dramatic overfeminist friend calling him BARBARIC.
So why are girls as inefficient as our elected representatives?
Hm. Let me think about that one:
Oh, Hi, my name is Games and I’m being Played.
Now I know I know, everyone has different opinions on thegamesweplay (NONE-SOME-HOWELSEDOIGETTURNEDON?) but girls, you’re sacrificing A LOT to play certain games. Why work so hard to make people think you’re feeling something you’re NOT feeling? That sentence is even confusing. Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re just going to keep facing frustrated ends if you continue down this dark path. I only see cheetos and burger runs in your future.
*On a sidenote, how much do you hate those bitches who claim they’re too sad to eat? Oh please.
Here let me give you a few scenarios, and if more than one applies to you, you are the 99%:
You want to talk to him for one reason or another, but you decide to hold back. You wouldn’t want to risk looking desperate, needy, or even worst– as if you’re INTERESTED. Pssshht. Thats for suckers.
You’ll wait for his call.
He hasn’t contacted you in awhile. Uh-oh, Congress is in session my friends– and the Senator from EXCUSE&LIES: “Maybe he ran over his phone? Maybe he doesn’t have reception cause he’s mountain climbing? Maybe he got amnesia from a freak accident?”
(Or maybe he just doesn’t want to fucking talk right now)
You believe this Senator, and let her borrow your Gucci for the night.
You’re really down for him, but you want him to think you’re hard to get. You are desirable, and how else to prove this other than to vie for the attention of others– make him jealous?
(Being an attentionwhore, is like giving to the NRA. It makes you the sellout: cheap w. dirtypolitics.)
He’s done something that has annoyed you, but again, you do not want him to know it has bothered you as much it really has.
You’ll play it off like ididntevennoticeyoudidthat
This is like re-election season, when Hilary Clinton walked off stage as if she didn’t want to punch OBAMA’s balls in. We all know the truth Hil.
If you’re nodding your head by now, thinking I just gave you great advice– then we have a problem.
If you act like you don’t give a fuck, he really won’t give a fuck.
Because when it comes to the game of emotions, let’s admit it– guys really can out-notgiveafuck-us. Why? Because they’re relatively one-track minded and easily distracted (code: stupid—kidddingggg ehh). Don’t believe me? Ask a guy how long he dwells on a girl and her texts. He probably thought about his dinner longer. Girls? Checking the phone, the email, the text, deciphering it as if its fucking hieroglyphics…so to know how to calculate the perfect response: How do I say something that means the exact OPPOSITE of how I’m feeling?
We all know we hate on people who act like something they’re not, but not owning up to how you feel because you’re scared of the way it’ll make you look is just as bad. And if any guy, is going to be turned off by your REAL EMOTIONS– then f*ck him, he’s not ready for anything real.
If you want to tell him you miss him, DO IT. If you want to tell him he fucked up, TELL HIM. And finally, if you want him to like you, show that you LIKE him too.
Emotions don’t make you weak: caring, anger, sadness, happiness–blablabla all of these things exist for a reason and if you’re a real person you’ll experience them towards a lot of people. Sure, there’s a time and a place to show it all– don’t throw a shoe at his head (I’m guilty), but let him know what’s up. If he’s a real boy, he’ll respect it and he’ll even be comfortable to show you his ;)
STOP disrespecting your feelings.
If you initiate the games, he’ll play along. AND he will win. I promise.
It’s not much of a title to win, hence why he does, because it’s just proof that you’re continuously fucking yourself over. Here at S&F, we want our joonies to get screwed, in a way they really enjoy- which is why we’re telling you this:
NEXT time you’re thinking about him, text/call/email/hug/fuck/watever him. He’ll appreciate it, but moreso, you will.
PLEDGE TO BE PART OF THE 1%.
Like Kanye, pledge to suffer from realness.
Nothing feels better than not having to play games, and keeping it real.
Friends are way too much like Senators, way too political to tell you the truth, unfortunately. but that’s why we’re here:
So get with the new trend, let doctors say youre the illest.
OK i killed it with kanye references today,