Monthly Archives: June 2012

Breaking Up is Half the Fun.

JOONIES.

I tried working out, instead I busted out my laptop and started writing this post–gymblogging–the best excuse not to run that mile.

My sense of urgency doesn’t come as much from the muscle cramps, as it does from the fact that I am so frustrated….with MEN. Especially the Persian kind. I know, I know–what’s new, right? Another female blogger venting about how single she is, another Persian girl bitching about Persian men.

We’ve all heard this before, and you’re all probably thinking– get rid of the laptop, the cat, and move the fuck on.

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NO. I absolutely will not, because I am fed up. Fed up, and most importantly: BORED.

Is it too much to ask for to meet someone a little interesting? Someone  with something new up their sleeve?

Please, someone SCREW me over in a way that will actually surprise me.

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Jungle Fever > Baby Fever

JOONIEEEES.

Happy Monday!  I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am to start the week.  No really, for once I’m not hating on Monday because T-4 days till the weekend baby!

Anyway, I know here at S&F, we talk a lot about Persian parents and obviously sex.  But I’m over it.  I’ve decided no more sex for me… and no more parents…

Lies… where would I be without my crazy parents and crazy sex?   Continue reading

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I’m A Dope B*tch.

Thirsty Thursday!

I hope some of you guys are going out, and enjoying yourselves- because I’m sitting at home. It’s one of those days where the thought of looking aadam (human) or even remotely nice enough to go out in public, seriously distresses me. So I’ll be watching Mob movies, pining away after Al Pacino.

Michael Corleone is perfection.

Onto something less boring.

Anyone who knows me , knows I have some addictions:

to good meth, to good music, and to great sex. Unfortunately, all three are hard to come by.

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Need You to Spank Me

JOONIESS.

To have to follow David Golshan is a bit much because let’s be real, you really can’t beat that… but you do what you gotta do.  So #LEGGO.

My topic tonight might be a little confusing because I’m still trying to figure everything out myself- but here’s to hoping that you guys can help me out a little bit.

Guilt.

As Persians (men and women), we ALL feel it whether it’s with getting bad grades or having sex out of wedlock.  But it’s how we allow that guilt to take over our decisions and lives that really matters (to me).

When I lost my virginity, I had to justify it to myself.  As if waiting until I was 20 years old and in love wasn’t justification enough, I had to plead with myself that it really was okay to have done the dirty.

I felt the need to convince myself that what I had done wasn’t “wrong,” even though it’s a natural part of life.

Oops I did it again

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David Golshan: No Tala Here.

There’s funny, and then there’s David Golshan Funny.

Let me tell you the difference: For Persians, funny is a FOB accent and talking about Persian Parents. Perfect the two, and you’ve got a great family friendly routine. That’s where most Persian Stand-ups draw the line.

Then there’s David Golshan Funny. There’s FOB accents, Persian Pop singers, Bill Clinton Impressions, Michael Jackson Routines, and a whole lot more.

With him, there is no line- it’s all fair game, and thats kind of how we like to play here at S&F too.

He’s a comedian, an actor, and a businessman.

He’s been on Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker with a butler who fed him grapes- and Shahs of Sunset. He has a few alter egos including Chef Tony Montana and ex-Black Cats Pop Star Shahram Shattarang (check them all here) & finally, he reps his roots by hosting Middle Eastern Night at Hollywood’s Laugh Factory.

There’s a reason I could not stop laughing during this interview (I wonder if David heard me snort at one point #embarassing).  Golshan can deliver punch after punch, and it gave me one of my best ab workouts. Hopefully, it’ll be just as good for you joonies…

-Saaghi 

- Tell me a bit about yourself…

I was born in Long Island, NY. When I was less than 1 years old, I moved to a small town called Beverly Hills.

I attended Beverly Hills High School which was essentially one big Persian Party, their mascot should be the Black Mercedes instead of the Normans.

From there I went to Pepperdine University, where I graduated with a degree in Political Science. I was preparing to go to law school, and had a fashion internet catalog business on the side. It was a hobby I had for a few years, and I worked on it about once a week. Then one day, as I was walking back into a Law Prep Course from lunch, I checked my orders and saw that I had made more money in that short time than I had in the past five years combined.

I picked up my books, and told the guy ‘it was nice meeting you, I’m outta here.

- Do you have any siblings?

I have three older siblings, who are all married with kids. I pretty much grew up with five parents.

Clearly though I didn’t get all the attention I deserved or else I wouldn’t post half naked pictures of myself on facebook. I work out because of all the attention I didn’t get from the women in high school.

- How do you think your Persian and Jewish side interact?

They definitely clash:

My Persian side wants to go to an SBE club, buy bottles, go crazy, make it rain. My Jewish side wants to grab the money as it falls to the ground screaming, ‘WTF are we doing! We need to invest this!’

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The Club Can’t Handle This Right Now.

salaaam joonies,

today’s post is all about the dark side of being persian– and I’m getting straight to de point.

For some this will be necessary, for others irrelevant. But I promise it is entertaining nonetheless, so LEGGOOO

Persian Club Etiquette For Dummies.

Introduction:

Let me break it down. I know that how much fun you have at clubs is inversely related to how many times you go clubbing. Especially if you start before you hit the legal age, the big 2-1 (eff 18+ nights! #sorryboutit) The earlier you start, the more jaded you get. But aside from that, this is fact:

I can’t count how many times I’ve been clubbing, but I can count how many time’s I’ve enjoyed it.

(Ibiza takes the cake FOSHO)

I go to clubs for music, and dancing– there is nothing better than seeing your favorite DJ play a live set. But for some Persians, clubbing is a different ball game. They ruin it for the rest of us, but if you by chance want to join their ranks– here’s a few lessons.

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