Monthly Archives: July 2012

Jul 11 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Joon, Persian Dad, Saaghi, What the F

Vacation with the Crazies

Holla for dollas.

Its been awhile, maybe because I’m on a family ‘vacation’ a.k.a ‘Not-a-vacation‘

(there are absolutely no Iranians where I am, or black people)

I know the past few posts may make me sound like I hate my family, but lately, I’ve been suffocated with so much FAMILY that I keep getting flashbacks of scarring memories from my childhood– and I just need to air it out on the therapists’couch I call #SEXANDFESSENJOON.

You see, I’ve been blessed with a great family. They truly are the three C’s: caring, compassionate…and CRAZY.

Each of them are CHARACTERS. Each with their own exclusive problem-OCD, ADD, ANXIETY, ALL OF THE ABOVE- and each with their own exclusive way of ‘communication’. Its truly an Irooni- Wes Anderson movie. I’ll leave ‘character bios’ for another post, maybe it is time you joonies MET THE FAMILY (omg, are we there yet? such a huge step).

For now, let me tell you a bit about PERSIAN Family Vacations: SAAGHI style. 

 I hate them. Absolutely dread them like Herpes. and each one I’ve gone on, I have vowed it would be my last (ACTUALLY, we all vow it will be our last)– but of course, we get guilt tripped into the next one.

My experience has taught me one important lesson: Never leave home without earplugs and xanax.

Continue reading →

About these ads
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 10 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, What the F

Stuck in the F-ZONE

Hey jooooonies,

Hope you all had a chance to read our guest post this week by the wonderful DOOZY FAB (click here if you missed it), what did you guys think: better to keep your guard up or take risks?

Personally, I’m all about taking risks and making “mistakes,” but not so much when it comes to love.

GAH did he just say he loves me?

I’d rather f#ck someone with no emotional attachment than to open up and feel something.

But I’m just going to go ahead and say that’s because I haven’t met the right person yet… #excuses.

ANYVAYYY, I was back home last week visiting some friends and obviously, family (my parents would shoot me in the face if I ever went on a vacation that didn’t involve them).  Of course, I was able to escape my parent’s claws of entrapment eventually and was finally able to see some old friends that I hadn’t connected with in awhile.

I met up with some old girlfriends and guy friends.  Sitting across from these guys who had been my best friends in high school and college, I was hit with this thought:

Is sex ever “off the table” between a guy and a girl?

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Jul 08 2012
7 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate

I’m Burning

Hey joonies, 

We have a special post from one of our favorite guest bloggers today- you might remember her from past HILARIOUS posts, DOOZY FAB.  She’s best known for telling men to “manscape” and calling random girls out for being hoe-ish.  You can check out her OWN blog at www.doozyfab.com. 

Doozy’s at it again!  Enjoyyy and let her know what you think in the comments section: 

“Besooz me once, shame on you.  Besooz me twice, shame on me.” 

Pesars: Read at your own risk.  You’ll probably get offended.

Dokhtars:  This really is for your own good.

Here’s a little “kabob for thought:”

“I’ll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.”

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , ,
Jul 05 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Shut the Front Door, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Porn is the Gateway to Persian Madness

Hi JOONAMS,

Hope everyone had a great fourth of July- and if your family is anything like mine, there was probably some fessenjoon involved or in our specific case- CHICKEN KABOB.  #I’mafattie   

I decided to take a vacation this week and come out to the WEST COAST (best coast) to visit the family… and as always, whenever I come to visit…

I am filled with guilt, stress and nostalgia– the Persian formula for family time.

My mom loves this quote (secretly)

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Jul 03 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Persian Dad, Saaghi, What the F

Why Aren’t You Melting?

Joonies,

Happy July 4th!!! The day America became free. The Red, White, and Blue.  The Land of the Free, Home of the Brave. America the Beautiful. This Land is my Land, This Land is your Land. OK, now I’m reciting everything I ever learned in Elementary School Choir.

But in all seriousness, my patriotism runs deep, I’m an American History fanatic (can count the 44 presidents backwards) and I read the Federalist Papers for fun. My ultimate goal in 4th grade was to be a colonial chick, preferably: Felicity of Williamsburg, VA from the American Girl collection. I grew up super-whitewashed, can’t you tell?

And despite what the cynics say, I am very grateful to have been raised in a country that is relatively more free and absolutely more blessed by Jesus. It is what my Persian-Islamic ancestors would have wanted.

Protestant Ethic- WHADDUP

Growing up in a really non-diverse/white state, made me want to be very American– in the sense that I wanted to assimilate, be like the other kids, and not have smelly lunch food. I thought being American meant Lunchables, Pepperoni pizza, and platform Sketchers– all things I was forbidden from. But my American Dream of being one of them would always elude me.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Jul 02 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Give it to me, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Persian Dad, Torshideh and Desperate

Where’s Your Boyfriend At?

Happy Monday!

We have a guest post from a very frustrated young reader, who can’t seem to get her Persian family to understand the concept of “My Dating Life is Personal, Stop Talking about it over Ghormeh Sabzi“. 

Enjoy!

image

For the most part, middle easterners like to embrace extremes; there really is no middle ground. Take dating for example: somewhere between high school and college, parents go from “You vill NEVER e-speak to a boy” to “Where the –hell- are your khastegars (suitors)?” Who knows, maybe there is mental shift somewhere near the 20th birthday of their daughters, but parents tend to get crazy and suddenly start taking a little TOO much interest in dating life.

My first Thanksgiving back from college, my grandmother and great aunt sat me down for a serious conversation.

This consisted of the most uncomfortable hour of my life, where the serious matter of my lack of dating life was discussed: I was given tips on how to make men interested in me, and want to marry me.

image

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Newer posts →
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 680 other followers

%d bloggers like this: