It’s about time we got some quality Peeersian men on this blog. So please meet Nima - no golden doodool complex here, just 100% Irooni man. Read his post and offer your most invaluable joonie advice:
I’ve been seeing this Persian girl for close to six months now. This week, I have the pleasure of meeting her mother for the first time. Her mother, who lives out of town, will be here for a couple of days, meaning that I have no alternative choice.
I wish I could say that I have to take my baba to the pharmacist, which he loves visiting, but she knows my parents are far from this city. I am meeting her.
Nothing short of a hysterectomy is getting me out of this one.
A few background notes:
In case you didn’t realize that I still refer to my dad as “baba” in my 20s, I am Persian. My girlfriend has never “tasted home cooking” before, and this may be due to her mother’s insistence on keeping away from indecent Irooni boys.
Nevertheless, my coarse chest hair would exemplify my Persian-ness.
I am younger than my girlfriend. I gather her mother to be a very progressive woman, and she wishes her daughter to live a professional life.
However, she also wishes for her daughter to be taken care of like a 50s housewife.
My inferior age doesn’t scream immaturity, yet she’s not thrilled with her daughter dating a younger man. I am not an engineer nor a doctor, and, most importantly, I am not on my way to becoming one.
This one is a constant amongst Iranian parents. Whether it be their child, their child’s friend or their child’s partner, if you’re not aiming to be an engineer or a doctor, you might as well go work in a “pomp-e-benzeen” (Translation: gas station).
Lastly, I have a moustache. I’m not talking about the artist formerly known as Prince’s moustache. I’m talking about a Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York moustache. Yes, with the curls.
I am a younger Persian man, who is not to become an engineer or doctor, with a seebil.
Now, in my personal opinion, I must say that I wish I was meeting her baba. You may think that I am crazy, but I believe it to be much easier to meet a Persian girl’s father. Meeting a Persian girl’s father isn’t necessarily a matter of politeness or professionalism. A Persian girl’s father simply does not want to be reminded that you’re sticking it to his daughter. No sitting beside her. No touching. No playful laughter. No looking dreamily into her eyes.
Act like you’re there to see him.
A Persian mother is a different story.
I never know what a Persian mother is thinking.
Usually my own mother wants to go to my “ghorboon” and tell me that I’m not fat enough. Other times she wants to emphasize how I don’t appreciate her.
Then there are the moments where she is over-feeding me and criticizing my lack of love for her simultaneously; “You love your faadder more DAN me!! Eat dis chiKen”. Persian men I can understand, stroke their ego and be mindful.
I don’t get women. More so Iranian women.
I may not understand Iranian women, but I will definitely be taking flowers. I am not taking them to impress her, I’m only taking them so she can’t later say that he brought nothing.
Let’s not kid ourselves, Iranians love it when guests come empty handed. It gives them a topic of conversation for weeks. I tend to be very chatty and humorous.
My greatest task will be keeping myself in line. Nothing about the “Rashti” man with loose morals. Nothing about my briefs in her daughter’s bottom drawer. Nothing about the handcuffs that we’ve hidden out of sight. I will speak of my admiration for her daughter’s wisdom, beauty and depth.
I will not speak of my affection for her dirty Farsi talk in bed, her “koon” and how long she can hold her breath under water.
I will go in there, show I admire her daughter, and charm the figurative pants off of her.
I cannot fail.
Joonies – what advice would you give to Nima joon here? How can he make sure his girlfriend’s madar doesn’t throw him out of the house? How do you woo a Persian mother? HELP HIM OUT!