Category Archives: Farrah

Come At Me Bro

Hey Joons,

I’m a little sexed out – better known as not getting any. And while I would love to go on about my problems, I thought I’d dedicate tonight to a slightly more depressing cause. Plus, when I actually think about it, I realize that  99 percent of my anger comes from listening to people’s idiotic opinions/conclusions/etc.

(here’s looking at you, Congress). 

Let me take it back a step. The world’s perception of Iran has changed dramatically over the last few years. Sure, the Hostage Crisis didn’t help in the late 70′s/early 80′s, but for the most part – Iran’s “scary factor” was overshadowed by the gossip of “weapons of mass destruction” in countries like Iraq – and once that was discovered to be untrue (and Saddam Hussein was done with), we focused on Afghanistan, and specifically, Bin Laden.

After we killed the bad guys and started moving toward the “reconstruction period” in those countries, our attention became fixated on Iran - thanks to Ahmadinejad, it wasn’t hard for people around the world to stop and think, “Oh he’s batshit… and he runs a country?!” 

HMIf we were to just take Ahmadinejad at face value, is the “threat” that Iran poses void? No, because we have the supreme pleasure to be in the presence of the puppet master, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei.

Also known as the scary ass man with a turban who preaches about the evils of America and is constantly shown cultivating his relationship with Hezbollah.

Personally, I think we’re more afraid of the turbans than of their power.

As Ann Coulter says, people should be imprisoned just for wearing a “hee-jab” in America because they’re assimilating Americans into their culture and pretty soon – we’ll all have undergone clitorectomies. (watch at 2 minutes and 35 seconds – she’s cray). Gosh, we really need “better immigrants” huh.

I digress. Back to the scary turban’ed men – the idea of them gaining nuclear power is horrifying and I can understand why – we don’t know these people here in America, we don’t know what their intentions are, we don’t know if they actually hate us – so we do the only thing that has proven to be effective in the past (please note my intense sarcasm):

We isolate. We sanction. We make life as difficult as humanly possible for the elite regime of Iran so that they will be forced into giving up any and all power – including nuclear power.

It’s almost like high school – we isolate the weird kid in class, we ignore him, we tease him, we make life as difficult as we can (for high school). And then one day, he ends up bringing a gun to school.

khBut if you ask me, our isolation and intense sanctions routine aren’t having the desired results we’d hope to see.  For one thing, sanctions are hurting the people more than it hurts the regime. Instead of making life harder for the Khamenei’s and Ahmadinejad’s of the world, sanctions are making it more difficult for people to get medical supplies. Cancer patients have barely any access to the necessary medicine to help with their illness (click here).

How are these people a threat to the international community’s national security? Instead, sanctions are victimizing people who have no say in the regime’s nuclear policies.

Furthermore, now that the value of currency in Iran has dropped literally below the point of any value, people are having a difficult time buying daily household necessities, like MILK. Fars News Agency reported that the consumption of milk has decreased by 20 percent as a result of high prices.

That makes sense – Iranians might build a nuclear weapon, so let’s put them at risk for osteoporosis!

I don’t understand the isolation strategy…

Why wouldn’t we want to talk to the people who are the unhappiest with us? Or the people who threaten us? Why wouldn’t we engage them so we can find a solution?

And okay, if the government is just “too crazy” to make any sort of substantial headway with through dialogue – then why aren’t we engaging the people? The next generation of Iranians who have already proven to be both both educated and opinionated?

fillmSanctions are supposedly an effort to mobilize the people to stand up to their oppression (or their government), right? But how are Iranians supposed to do that when they can’t afford everyday household items? Or when every political opposition leader that they’ve had in the last four years sits under house arrest?

Additionally, a  new round of sanctions have been passed that ban intellectuals from publishing their findings in scientific journals. Yes, let’s silence the intellectual community of Iranians and continue to allow the regime to have a voice in the media.

We expect people to find a way to gain access to information without helping them. We expect people to SPEAK OUT without allowing them the platform to do it. How can we expect change when we discourage it through our policy?

In the U.S., we preach the importance of democracy, and the values and human rights that democracy provides citizens. We exemplify to the world that democracy is the model form of governance. In fact, we even hope for established democracies in countries like Egypt, Iraq, and Iran. However, sanctions steal the citizen’s basic human rights. Iranians suffer from censorship and the lack of basic needs like dairy products or medicine.

We should be working with the people of the country – equipping them with the right tools to not only, survive but to have a voice. 

And while many of us don’t have the power to create change immediately, we all have a voice – it’s easy to forget those who are suffering when we are mad or when it doesn’t affect us directly. But we need to make sure the unheard voices are loud and clear for the rest of the world.

SEXANDFESSENJOON@GMAIL.COM

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TWEET AT ME: @FARRAH_JOON

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FARRAH فرح
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My Personal Comedian

JOONS:

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful and amazing mothers out there. We wouldn’t be here without you… literally.

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As an ode to Iranian mothers - I thought there is no better way to celebrate today than to tell you all a little about my mother. No horror stories… well depends on how you look at it.

My mom has always been dependent but that doesn’t mean she can’t stand up for herself. I remember YEARS ago (like 17… she was pregnant with my brother), we all went to France for my dad’s engineering conference. I was eight years old and we had been warned that “gypsies” pick pocket. We were crossing the street to go to some museum (memory is hazy on the exact place…) – when all of a sudden, a group of about eight women came at us.

My poor visor-wearing, knee high sock and sandal fashionisto dad froze and just put his hand on his back pocket to guard his wallet as one of the ladies attempted to yank the big ass video camera hanging from his shoulder. My mom tightens her grip on my hand, walks up to the lady, and slaps her across the face. Needless to say, they scattered pretty quickly after that.

bitch

My mom needs someone to take care of her, but when it comes to putting bitches in their place – she has no problem. Continue reading

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I Care Less About Beauty, I Just Want Pizza

Hey joons,

It’s been awhile – but I hope you’ve all had a chance to enjoy our wonderful new writers. They’re amaze-balls (I learned that word from Saaghi) and their posts rock so make sure you check it out. :)

Moving on …

I have a bone to pick with my fellow female joons – while I’m sure many men have similar qualities, I’m taking a little break from men right now (or rather, they’re taking a break from me…).

Women are continuously referred to as bossy and more emotional – we’re constantly fighting against the stereotype that our actions are somehow “weaker” than men’s.

Yet despite these fight backs, there are so many times that we embody the exact version of ourselves that we claim not to be.

pradaLet me give you a few examples:

1. The Damsel in Distress:

These dames aren’t just asking for help – they’re whining for it: “I don’t get it. Can you just do it for meeee?”

Omggg I can’t figure out what’s wrong with the printer… Help meeee.

I’ll be honest – I’m guilty of asking for help with the printer. Why can’t it just work all the time?

But personally, I think damsels are just lazy people. Are you really telling me that you can’t read an instruction manual? Continue reading

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You Should Message Me If…

Hey joons,

I’m 26 years old – I’m officially inching towards my upper 20′s, and straddling the line between marriage and “torshideh” – any day now my mom is going to ask me to move in with her because I’m past my prime for a husband.

My parents are always hesitant to ask me about dating. They know I’m going to reply with that exasperated sigh and an annoyed “stop asking me stupid questions” response.

Part of me hates getting their hopes up if I am seeing someone and the other part hates hearing their obvious disappointment if I’m not seeing someone.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

khloeBut of course, when it comes to the future of my love life, they don’t really care about their aberoo - they always find a way to slip it in with every phone conversation.

Their voice drops three octaves lower and they say,

So azizam, are you seeing any-vone?”  Continue reading

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F#ck Your Morals

Hi joons,

It’s been awhile huh – and finally, spring is here. For the first time in what feels like forever … I can go outside without a jacket. Thank you, Mother Nature.

By the looks of things, I’m not the only one soaking in the spring sun. Women all around the world are baring their money-makers to make a statement. (you should all urban dictionary “breasts”… chesticles anyone?)

Vladimir Putin is so down

Vladimir Putin is so down

Femen is a feminist Ukrainian-based group who protest issues like sexism, religion, etc. by letting it all hang free. What better way to catch attention – show men what they would typically pay for either with dinner or at the strip club.

They’re definitely making headlines, for obvious reasons. And with their latest display against Islam – women all over the world are responding to Femen’s message.

femen

I believe in the right to protest, to voice opinions. I do not believe I have to fuck your morals to earn equality. Continue reading

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What A Bad Boy

Joons,

I can practically feel spring and Norouz – unfortunately, I live too far away from my parents to bask in their Norouz festivities (and pocket change), but I can enjoy my pet goldfish nonetheless.

On the East Coast – spring is amazing. You stop wearing what feels like 5000 layers, you can actually feel heat from the sun, the flowers are pretty. It’s a great time of year (for two weeks… then it’s f#cking hot). When it’s spring, you no longer experience anxiety about leaving the house because of the ridiculous cold. It’s the time where you can enjoy being active and you can fantasize about what the day holds.

Clearly, I dream about when this day will come often. But despite my fantasies about the cute sandals and pretty sundress I’ll wear, I take a completely different approach when it comes to sex.

I can dream about the most mundane things. But when it comes to sex, I can’t imagine anything other than the reality.

And the reality is, I’ll probably wear a total of one dress this summer and after two weeks, I’ll start bitching about the humidity.

humid

For some reasons, one of the top 10 questions guys ask when they get all personal (and if they’re ballsy) is: what’s your fantasy?  Continue reading

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I’m A Lady

Hey joonams,

I’ve been especially sickly this week so please excuse any random mutterings below. But in my defense, I had a pretty confusing week/end.

Let me start from the beginning… 

On Friday night, I met up with my ex and his best friend at a party – my ex leaves the party early without his friend … and the night proceeds with drinks and dancing. Suddenly, we’re making out (me and the friend) – no readiness, no expectations, it was probably just the booze taking over our brains (and grasp of common sense). And he just kept saying to me, “Don’t worry your ex won’t care.”

betI woke up the next morning just horrified – that “oh f#ck” moment you have when you wake up after drinking too much and start getting hit with flashbacks from the night before.

I was disgusted for not making the more responsible decision and I was disgusted with him for trying to convince me it was okay. It was mortifying and all I wanted to do was forget it ever happened (and never see either of them again). 

Of course, way easier said than done – especially when you all live in a tiny, incestuous city. But all I really wanted was for the friend to text me like he said he would, so I could end the situation:

Listen, I don’t think this is such a good idea. K thanks. 

I wasn’t sure if he would actually text me…

But I knew that I wouldn’t be the first to text him… because guys are always expected to text first. That’s what the rules are according to our society.

bm

When girls give out their phone number to some guy they meet – they usually wait for that guy to contact them first. We wait for the stupid 3 day rule to pass and if we don’t hear from them by then – we let go.

Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule – but ultimately, this is the game we all play.

I felt like if my ex’s friend didn’t text me then this whole fiasco was ending on HIS terms … because based on our gender roles, it’s fact that I wouldn’t contact him first. (Obviously, this whole inner conflict also has to do with some major pride issues, but we can talk about that another time).

But discussing this with a friend, he brought up the fact that if no one has contacted the other – it ends on no one’s terms.

Furthermore, he asked if I’m so “pro-women” and equal rights, then why do I let gender roles define my social life? Continue reading

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Trust is BLIND

Hey joonies,

Happy Hump Day! Few more hours until we’re over the hump and THAT MUCH closer to the weekend. You’d think that with the three-day weekend we just had, I wouldn’t be so greedy. But work takes up about 80 percent of my time so excuuuuse me for feeling the weekend blues.

In all honesty, I just want to sleep in and watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don’t judge – reality TV is my ultimate guilty pleasure – but I don’t feel so guilty about it.

Anyway, I’ll get to the real point of this post sooner rather than later because I need some help from you guys on this one:

trapLet me back up for a second…

I’ve always been very… independent when it comes to men. I don’t trust easily and it’s not because I’ve been so scarred for life, but because I feel like every time I begin to trust one – I get let down.

The fear of vulnerability outnumbers any desire to take a risk.

And I’m actually quite okay with that for now because I truly haven’t met anyone that I can see a future with.  So it’s really out of sight out of mind for me… until I realized that…

There are different degrees of trust in any type of “romantic” relationship: (1). you trust your partner to stay committed and (2). you trust the guy you’re f#cking to refrain from [figuratively] f#cking you over. Continue reading

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Mitra Sumara: What does it mean to be Iranian?

Joonies,

I love every single interview we get to do. But with each one, I’ve walked in with some sort of background on ‘who’ and listened to the story of ‘how.’ With Yvette Perez, the founding member of Mitra Sumara, I didn’t know ‘who’ ‘how’ or ‘why’, and by the end of the interview, I felt like I had taken so much away from the experience that I forgot why I had even asked questions in the first place. Her answers brought to mind so many more questions about culture, identity and the idea of “being.”  What does it mean to be Iranian? And how do you decide who gets to “claim it”?

There’s so much to take in with Yvette’s story, and her relationship to Music and Iran. 

She is a bit of everything, but I’d love for her to claim her Iranian culture– because she is doing greater things with it than you can even imagine!

xx,

Saaghi

MITRA SUMARA in action

MITRA SUMARA in action

- So I have to say, when I saw your name -Yvette Perez- I was a bit confused. Tell me about yourself:

I’m half-Iranian, my other half is a mix of North European, American Indian. I was adopted by American parents, who divorced when I was 2. My mother remarried a Mexican, so she gave me his name– and so I grew up with the Spanish surname.

- And where’d you grow up?

I grew up in Carson, a suburb of LA. It was kinda odd growing up there… large Chicano, Black, and Filipino population. My neighborhood was predominantly first-generation, so ethnicity was important. And I really felt like an outsider… My hair was frizzy and I didn’t look like anybody else at school.

- Many of us with cultural conflicts experience some sort of ‘identity crisis.’  How do you think yours was similar/different?

Well it was peculiar being in school when the Revolution happened, kids would taunt me, and my mother at home would tell me “don’t tell anyone you’re Iranian.” And I’d think– but that’s what I am?

So, while I knew I was Iranian, I didn’t really know what that meant.

mitra1

My mother did not explore the culture much. I had discovered these old Persian records from the library, and I remember the one time I brought them home, she danced around the house, making fun of it. It was mortifying!

I found my birth mother when I was in college, and she gave me my father’s name (who is from Tehran). I found him a few years ago and we’ve built a strong relationship since then. I have found that my father and I are alike in spirit and some personality characteristics despite that fact that I didn’t grow up with him. Whenever we are together and notice these synchronicities -  it’s amazing. A true testament to the strength of one’s roots and genetic background.

In terms of my ethnic background; I feel that I’m in disguise. If I didn’t grow up with the culture, how can I claim it as mine? Continue reading

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My Pickle is Ripe

Hi JOONS,

It’s been too long. I’ve had sexandfessenjoon withdrawals – more fessenjoon and less sex, if you know what I mean. I’ve had the pleasure of participating in some quality family time lately. Home-cooked meals, clean sheets, and unsolicited love advice – really, what more could you ask for?

My mom especially had a lot of questions for me on this visit – how’s my job … which lasted all of 30 seconds before she interrupted to ask about my dating life. Here’s something you should all probably know about my mother:

For as long as I can remember, my mom told me to steer clear of Persian boys and she stressed the importance of being an independent woman.

Through the years, she became more emphatic with this advice – especially after her divorce.

Farrah, marriage is estupid. Anyvone who is married right now is unhappy – believe me.” 

Farrah, never depend on a man. Dey are all after vone ting.” 

And as much as I think my mom is a little cray at times, those words really resonated. More importantly, I thought she would be the last person to bug me that my biological clock is ticking… at 25.

vibrateBut the second I walked through the door of her home, she was like, “Who are you dating? Vhen do you vant to get married? Is dere anyvone in VAA-SHING-TOON who is good?”

My response is always the same, “No mom, I’m good for now… thanks though.”

But clearly, my persistence on wanting to focus on my career and life didn’t sit well with her this time.

At 25, I’m on the brink of torshideh. And once I’m pickled and “old” – I won’t be wife material anymore. Continue reading

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