Filed under Farrah …

Jan 29 2013
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Douche of the Week, Farrah, Shut the Front Door, What the F

Will You Be My Pumpkin?

Hi joonams,

It’s harder for me to fake enthusiasm for Tuesdays (the day after Monday… the day that keeps me from getting to halfway through the week) than it is for me to fake orgasms, but you do what you have to do. And that’s just life. You live and you learn.

Not to sound too redundant here, but I’m super excited/SO PROUD of my Saaghi jooooon for getting her baby up and running this past weekend – have you checked it out yet?! SHOPJOON IS THE BESTEST.  I love it because personally, those shirts look sooo cute on me ;) More photos to come so hope you’re all ready! And if you’ve ordered a shirt – send us a photo wearing it because we definitely want to see our joonies sporting the goodies.

ANY-VAY, I’m slowly creeping up on my 2 year anniversary living in D.C. (next month yo), and the past few days it’s forced me to reflect a lot on what my expectations were when I first got here and how I’ve changed.

GOD I miss warm weather

GOD I miss warm weather

I met up with a new DC transplant this past weekend and he asked me, “Do you think DC has changed you?” And I didn’t even have to think twice about my answer:

Every city and state are different. And for me, wherever I’ve lived – I’ve had to grow stronger and taller – I had to adapt in order to survive.

I grew up in a sheltered bubble. My hometown has one high school, and it was the type of CALI-living town where you would go to Downtown and run into half of your high school. Leaving the house without makeup on was never an option because I would inevitably see someone I knew.

And Persians are all about their image – so there was no way I’d never look not cute (except for when I was going through puberty… good God).  At 18, I really thought I had figured it all out – the “secret to life.” No one could tell me what to do and I’d never been given an answer that I didn’t like.

But then I moved to L.A. and it was just one reality check after another. I was screwed over by people I trusted in a way that I’d never thought possible. And my instant reaction was to cry about it and hide in my studio apartment, afraid to show my face to the world. I thought something was wrong with me – and that’s why people hurt me.

Living in LA – I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to speak my mind when people hurt me, and I learned the importance of letting loose and having fun – with the right people. Continue reading →

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Jan 24 2013
3 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, NAStY HAAwT

Fifty Shades of JOON

Hey joon joons,

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!

And despite the fact that I’m freezing balls here – I can’t wait for the freakin weekend so I can spend the weekend under 100+ blankets.  Granted, it’s the “Pro-Life Rally” tomorrow, which means I’ll have to avoid eye contact with everyone and ignore the horrifying pictures of dead fetuses – while I believe in the freedom of speech … I still believe in the freedom of choice. BUT it’s still going to be Friday so I’ll keep my complaints to a minimum.

ANYWAY – I decided to bring the conversation back to sex tonight because in my opinion…

If you’re having it, then you should talk about it.

Okay maybe that’s a bit extreme.

sx

As the story always goes – I met a guy… we liked each other and we eventually, had sex. Done.

But this time was quite different than any other time – and let me try to explain… as with a lot of my sexual (and dating) experiences, I call the shots. I tell them when I’m going to go on top, when they’re on top, where to put their hands, and more.  

I’m quite the micro-manager in all aspects of my life.

Especially with my dating history, it’s always me directing – or letting them know what I like… or at least, that’s what it feels like. 

Sometimes the guy really needs to take control and tell me what to do – especially in the bedroom. Continue reading →

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Jan 22 2013
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Shitshows

Panties Hit The Ground When Taking Shots

Hey joonies,

I just have to say, this day… sucks. How can any day follow Inauguration day? Seriously, as a country – we should be given the day after the Inauguration off to mentally prepare for how boring our lives really are.  Hope you all had a chance to check out my Inauguration day photos via the amazing social media world of Twitter (click here).

Here is my personal favorite from the day (because it’s of me obviously… and Saaghi jooooon designed it ;) ):

far

Obama is my joooooon

Anyway, I received some valuable insight today at work – always learning, my boss would be so proud - I was told this:

All men are dogs – there are the purebreds and the street dog/mutts. Purebreds can be trained… they are keepers. Mutts are for the streets.

I’m still trying to figure out the difference between a mutt and a purebred — so I can’t really dissect that one for now, but I’ll keep you all posted. As always.

When I graduated high school – I really didn’t think about all of that. All that pressure of finding a nice guy who is responsible, well suited for dad, and treats me well (AKA a purebred) was never the main focus in my mind. Back then it was all about whether they were hot … or not.

He is so not suitable for dad

He is so not suitable for dad

In the early days of college, going out was about meeting boys and either bringing them back to our place or making out with them at the bar. And that was just the norm.

We went out solely to meet boys – our night’s fun was dependent on how many times we gave our number out and whether we kissed anyone. Continue reading →

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Jan 14 2013
4 Comments
Farrah, Fetish, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, What the F

Cuddle On Your Own Time.

Hihi joonies,

Happy Monday! (oxymoron I know). My family is visiting me this week and it’s been just great… granted my pants don’t fit me anymore – and it’s only been two days. #controlproblems

It doesn’t exactly help when my dad keeps telling me that I eat like a monster and that one day, I’m going to get very fat if I’m not careful. But then I look at my mom’s skinny ass and just hope that I got her genes.

Anyway, read Saaghi’s latest post? (click here).

Like Saaghi said, before we give up the v card – it”s all about the kissing. First kisses are probably one of the most nerve-wrecking moments in our adolescent years. I personally, was chugging my Irooni-estyle Capri Sun (aka aab anar) as if it were going to somehow transform me into an amazing kisser.

first

Kissing is probably the most intimate part of sex. Without kissing, you’re just fucking to be fucked.

We think of sex as this hugely monumental, intimate action between two people — and while it is, sometimes sex is just sex.  I’ve encountered this stereotype where guys think that I am somehow going to develop intimate emotions toward them if we are having sex.

And while sex is intimate no matter how you feel about the person – there are different levels of intimacy:

1. Naked Intimacy: You’re intimate because you are naked together. They are seeing you differently than most people would – literally. And that is where it ends – emotions are limited because you’re intimacy solely rests on the fact that you’re about to have this person inside of you and frankly, your interest ends there.

2. Blatant Intimacy: You care for your partner and you want the world to see – or rather, you just don’t care who sees you groping your man’s sac. I personally, hate these people.

3. Intimacy: Caring for someone and sharing those emotions with them through your actions – whether it’s sex or picking up their laundry without bitching about it.

Personally, I am not a fan of intimacy – it makes me feel out of control in a relationship. I feel like I am losing my independence if I am intimate toward another person. AKA I’m scared. Continue reading →

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Jan 08 2013
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Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT

I Do It And It Feels Good

Hey joonies,

I feel like it’s been awhile — hasn’t it? i miss you all. Sitting here… cold… knowing that I should really go to the gym tonight. The gym is what allows me to eat the ridiculous way that I do. Cake, burgers, you name it.

slutty

Motivation #leggo

I spent most of my vacation being lazy and watching random TV shows – Downton Abbey, Blue Mountain State, and the infamous Dawson’s Creek (Dawson is such a pain).  Anyway, watching Dawson’s Creek just reminds me of high school … and how different my life was compared to them.

In high school, I wasn’t the top student… or the most devoted. I cut class – not to do anything fun in particular, but just because I had no hos. It’s funny how things change when you grow up.

And I definitely wasn’t what some people would consider “innocent.” Virgin or not – I still made it through third base by the time I was 16 - what’s considered for some people = normal. 

And watching Dawson’s Creek (don’t judge me) - these kids are 15 and they’re having their first kiss.  It makes me wonder…

Are you ever too young to have sex?

The answer might seem obvious to some – but when I was 15-16, I thought I was old enough to do these things and even more so, I was curious about it.  I wanted to know what the hype was about and frankly, I was growing up – experimenting.

use it

Looking back now, I think 16 is so young and when I think about how I felt doing it then — it was weird. Nothing ever really felt good… it just felt different and I remember thinking either “ow” or “this is uncomfortable.” 

It took a long time for messing around to actually stop feeling foreign and start feeling real. Continue reading →

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Jan 07 2013
26 Comments
Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Saaghi

Help A Sista Out!

Hey joonies,

Every so often – we get emails asking for advice or our opinion on a certain situation.  Of course, this makes us feel great as sex wizards but — we don’t always have the answer. A lot of times, we are still trying to figure out our own love lives and the best advice we can offer is what we’ve learned through our own experiences.

With that said, we received an email recently asking us for very specific advice. And because we aren’t really sex wizards, we decided to open up the floor to our joonies – help a sista out:

Do Persian men ever marry non-Persian women?

Especially black women.

whatevs

I am talking about a non-Muslim (he’s Baha’i), Iran born, USA raised man.

Or do they only date people from another ethnicity with no intention of  ever marrying them?

Background: I’ve known and been involved with him for about two and a half years.  I’ve never met his family — who he lives with. I’ve asked him to be straight with me: is it because I am not Persian or the same religion? He claims no. He says that it’s because once you meet them – then all the floodgates will open and his parents will keep asking when we are going to get married and have kids. I countered that by saying we will just have to explain to his parents that we are not ready for all of that yet especially, financially. To which he said that reasoning will fall on deaf ears.

So ladies, what do you think? Am I barking up the wrong tree with all Persian and Middle Eastern men? Clearly, some of them do marry outside of their race — shout out to Tehran SOParvaz. But, are the odds not in my favor?   Continue reading →

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Jan 01 2013
3 Comments
Farrah, Saaghi

One Year of Sex & Joon

2013 is here, and this past year has been a wild ride for S&F. We started at the end of 2011, and in all honesty, we didn’t know if anyone would read the sh!t we posted online. When in the second week, the site hit 100 views– it felt like we had hit the jackpot.

We’ve never really had expectations and that is probably why everything about Sex&Fessenjoon has just been a crazy surprise.

org

Nothing has been more surprising than how much it has become a part of who we each are – as writers for this site. So as an ode to a year of posts that covered everything from divorce to rape, we want to tell the story of what this blog has done for our lives.

the good & the bad.

SAAGHI:

Since this blog launched, I have gotten a lot of questions: Are you the writer for S&F? Do you know the writers? Who are they? 

Honestly, some people I lie to, and some I tell the truth. But now more recently, I find it so much harder to deny because it is a HUGE part of my life, in the sense that its something I invest a lot of time and effort in. I hold a full time job that sometimes requires 80+ hours/week– but there is not a day that goes by, that there is not AT LEAST one conversation between Farrah and I about Sex & Fessenjoon – whether its a blog post, brainstorming, strategy, interviews, etc.

You are what you do. and I do S&F. So I can’t keep it hidden.

Anonymity isn’t this wall that I hide behind, but it is how I protect the people that I love. Unfortunately, with all the questions that people ask, and the suspicions that they have– I know my confirmation or denial will come with a judgment. It’s natural, and especially in the Iranian-American community, a STAMP will be put on my forehead like a Scarlet letter.

‘S’ for Sex blogger. S for Scandal. S for shame.

I don’t care about my reputation (most of the time). But I care A LOT about my family and my friends. As much as I want to take credit for everything that I’ve done for this baby of mine, I know that there will be people who will shun not just me, but my family– and they will judge and talk sh!t.

My parents have done nothing but sacrifice for me and struggle to give me a blessed life. In return, I cannot make their life harder. I know they will stand by me even if they don’t understand, but that is not something I want to ask them to do. Continue reading →

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Dec 26 2012
4 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate

Material Guy

Hihi joonies,

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas — I’m not trying to make a religious assertion here, but we know that most Iranians love to go all out for Christmas. Presents, the competition between families as to who has the better tree, who cooked the best dinner, who’s gained the most holiday weight, etc. – not that I’m complaining, I am not afraid to show off my holiday weight as long as they continue to feed me.

I LOVE tadig

I LOVE tadig

But I skipped PERSIAN/VERZION Christmas this year and instead hid out in a small town with some close friends. #cantcomplain

The best part about spending time with close friends during the holidays is not just the ability to avoid interrogations about where you’re going, what you’re eating, what you’re doing (love my family I swear) — but the best part really is being able to just talk about anything without worrying that your 16 year old brother is eavesdropping.

Most of my friends and I are pretty different.  We all chose different areas of work to pursue, we have different tastes in guys, different interests, but when it comes to boy trouble – our issues are usually the same.

Confusion over relationships is universal.

Sometimes I feel like relationships aren’t as innocent they used to be.  Back in high school, I had this boyfriend for two weeks and then that boyfriend for another two weeks. The concern over whether he had family values or was goal-oriented was never really an issue because in high school, we were in the moment rather than focusing on the future.

At least I was.

Now in my 20′s, every date I go on or every boy I meet, I go through a mental checklist to see if they meet up to my “desired needs” aka to see if they are list material.

rudd

I usually decide between the first five – ten minutes whether the guy I’m talking to meets my requirements (though I’ve been blinded many times). 

We all have that ideal perfect man drawn up in our head. Continue reading →

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Dec 20 2012
2 Comments
Farrah, Shut the Front Door, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

What Comes Next?

JOONS,

It’s Shabeh Yalda – a night where we spend time with our loved ones, eating, drinking – and remembering to enjoy life. This is how Saaghi and I plan to celebrate Shabeh Yalda tonight - the longest night of the year - 

fessReally the best way to spend any night: stuffing our faces with fessenjoon. YUM.

All through college, all anyone ever told me was that my 20′s were going to be the best years of my life.  The years spent enjoying everything that is available to me, every opportunity, every change, and positive outcome. My 20′s were defined for me as the best that life was ever going to give me. 

And that’s how I always imagined it would be.  I expected to graduate from college and jump into a world of possibility, a world of hope and opportunity… where nothing felt out of reach.

I was determined.  I was excited for all the different things I would get to experience only because I was finally in my 20′s — the infamous decade where I get to be exactly who I want to be. And frankly, it sounded easy.  I felt like I would graduate and instantly, I’d be exactly where I wanted to be in my life.

lennonAnd then I finally graduated from college and instead of entering a world of possibilities… I was hit with confusion and fear.

Do I move home? Do I take this job that has nothing to do with what I want? What will my parents say if I get an unpaid internship?

Where do I go from here? Continue reading →

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Dec 16 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate

I’ll Have Seconds… And Thirds

Joonies,

I slept until 3 pm today.  Yeah… that’s right – I slept for over 12 hours and I was disgusted with myself for doing that.  So I went to the gym to make up for it – and rewarded myself with a nice big dinner.  Naturally. Well-played Sunday if you ask me.

I had a good weekend – spent it with friends – we went out to a fancy bar (oxymoron) last night and just spent the night dancing, flirting with boys (me), and … then me watching them make out with their boyfriends. Riveting.

I’m really lucky with my group of friends – they’re sweet, caring, always there for each other, good cooks (obviously that’s on my list of criteria), and we all have different types when it comes to guys… for the most part.

I like Persian, and they like everything else – which is a blessing because if that wasn’t the case, we would have a hard time meeting the “Girl Code.”

Girl Code: Never hook up with a friend’s ex-boyfriend/fling.

And I’m a big believer in that. I think friends are more important than getting fancy with a guy that they used to date… and frankly, there are enough fish in the sea where there just shouldn’t be an overlap.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable if my close friend was f#cking my ex – not because of “principle,” but because… that’s just weird if your friend dates someone you have history with.

no

Think about it – when you’re in a relationship, you share a certain degree of intimacy with your significant other.  Not just sex, but the emotions that sometimes come with it. How would you feel if your friend was sharing that same feeling with someone that made you feel a certain way?

I will never date someone my friend once did — not because it’s wrong, but because it brings awkwardness to a whole new level. Continue reading →

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