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Apr 10 2013
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Douche of the Week, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

The ManWhore

Joonies – we’re introducing our lovely Egyptian writer Yasmine. Yasmine’s a reader, political thinker, and an-all around intelligent woman. Enjoy!

I recently had a conversation with a guy who thought he was being smart when, as he complained about his love life, exclaimed,

“Each time I run into one of these whores and she acts like she doesn’t know me, I just want to tell her, ‘bitch I’ve seen you naked!’”

My eyebrows may have well reached my hairline in shock as I sat listening to this buffoon complain about the amount of “cheap lays” he encountered. Had I been able to get a grip on my nerves, I would have told him that any girl in her right mind would certainly have full rights to disown him. More importantly however, I would have asked him a question that I feel ought to be asked to be generally addressed by many of us…

how do we find it acceptable to refer to women as whores within a conversation in which a male speaker demonstrates obvious whorish tendencies?

I hear many guys boast about their sexual records and each time I find it hard to understand how they have the guts to then call women whores.

whores

 I am quite sure that many of you have overheard conversations with similar lines to the one above. Moreover, the Internet is flooded with “bitches (and hoes) be like” memes. Facebook too, continues to harbor many “hoe detection” pages. So why is it that men can admittedly boast of a hundred plus affairs and get away with it?

Worse still, when the word “manwhore” is used, it is often said in a teasing tone meant to enforce the impressiveness of the man’s sexual accomplishments. Continue reading →

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Apr 04 2013
16 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

I Can’t Stay Away From Persian Girls

Eide hamatoon mobarak.

While I have no qualms getting funky on the 31st of December, the first day of spring is my new year. Not only because it is the Persian New Year, but based on the solar calendar, frankly it makes the most sense. Nevertheless, I never miss Iran and my family as much as I do during Eid. All of them in Shomal, eating fish, rice with herbs and raw garlic. Being surrounded by my family is what I miss most during Norouz.  While an unhealthy amount of coddling meant I had to move away from my family, I wouldn’t mind sitting around being overfed by my mother just about now.

Happy New Year to all of you, but a special Eid to those who couldn’t be with their families for whatever reason.

I love Persian girls. I am easily most attracted to them from a superficial standpoint. Their hair, their eyes, their skin, frankly I’m a sucker for Persian girls. Having said that, why is it that every time I end a relationship, no matter how serious or casual, with a Persian girl, I take a huge break from them?

date

Not from girls, from Iranian girls. The truth is, relationships I’ve had with Persian girls have been by far the most mentally taxing.

Numerous occasions I found myself thinking “just date another ethnicity”, it is much easier. However, after awhile, I always find myself slowly gravitating towards another Persian girl. Continue reading →

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Apr 01 2013
1 Comment
Flavor of the Week, Interviews, Joon

Amir, of Bia2.com: Music, Rules, and Culture Shocks

I had the wonderful opportunity of interviewing Amir, the founder of Bia2.com, who is also a personal role model of mine because of his creativity, pioneership, and (as I’ve come to observe) great manners.  I remember being 13 and discovering Bia2.com, and frantically downloading all the Mp3s I could get my hands on because I was afraid it would shut down, and I’d lose the access to my Iranian-ness that it had granted me. But not only has Bia2 not shut down, its grown in popularity and thanks to Amir and his team, it is now a source for quality Iranian media and entertainment.

I know many people of all ages turn to Bia2.com for not only music, but a little piece of heritage, culture, and home — as was the case with me. A lone Iranian teenager growing up in the suburbs of New Jersey, dancing to Black Cats in front of the mirror.

And while Amir is extremely modest, I think this interview is an ode to his journey: of something that grew from a hobby to a career, and a website that does more than post music.

xx,

Saaghi

bia2

- Tell me about your background. 

I was born in Tehran, Iran and then I moved to the Orlando, Florida when I was 16.

- How was the culture shock?

Yeah, it was a huge shock. My dad, education- wise, doesn’t mess around. So literally, when we moved here, we arrived in Florida from Iran at around 9 pm and the next morning he sent me to school. My uncle had already signed me up and everything, and it had been a week or so that school had already started, but I was so lost. In Iran, you go to one class and the teachers change. But here, I had no idea that you had to get up and change classes. It was just a mess.

I was also the only Iranian student among 2,500 kids so I didn’t have any Persian friends, and it was really rough. But in a way, it was good because it pushed me to be social and meet new people.

I think after six months, I started getting used to things and overall, high school was a really good experience.

amir

- How did Bia2 get started?

When I was in high school, I started Bia2 but it was under a different name, ‘Soltan’.

When I moved to Orlando, people had no idea what Iran was. I wanted to show them but it was really hard to explain, so I made this website and every time people would ask me ‘where are you from?’ I’d show them the website, where I put all the pictures I brought from Iran. Continue reading →

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Mar 28 2013
4 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Joon, What your momma didn't tell you, Good Little Muslim Girl, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Good Little Jewish Girl, Weekend Winning, Flavor of the Week, Saaghi

High-Five Yourself!

Saaghi here, I know it has been awhile– but we have such talented new writers that Farrah and I get excited to just share, share, share!

This latest post was inspired by this article I read the other day, 35 Things I Wish I Had Done Before Turning 35 by Hemal Jhaveri. Now, we all have our unfulfilled bucket lists, and it is inevitable that we’re going to have a few “I wish I had…”  but one thing really stuck out to me on this list,

2. Hooked up with that hot guy from New Zealand who I met in a bar in Bali
In your 20s, you think stuff like this will happen to you again and again, but trust me, it doesn’t. And he totally would have been worth it.

If you think I’m going to go on about how I think we should all hook up instead of thinking twice, you’re wrong. But I think Hemal captures something really interesting, the once-in-a-lifetime hookup. Sure, in college, you can trade saliva with a lot of frat boys, athletes, and pseudo-intellectual Socialists —

but once in awhile, life throws you a Gem of a hookup. And its not about love, or relationships, or anything like that.

Its a pure ‘HIGH-FIVE yourself’ moment, and that’s why it’s great. Because when you do turn 35, you’ll look back and mentally high-five yourself again.

image

And while meeting a sexy foreign guy and deciding against sharing some drunken kisses (or more) with him seems crazy, it happens a lot. One of my girlfriends turned down a successful Spaniard –who couldn’t keep his hands off of her– only to regret it two minutes later, and go looking for him again at the bar! I’ve had one or two gem hook ups, that I high-five myself for every time. One, in Paris, where my friends really helped me get the Parisian guy of my dreams..for a few hours ;).

Our usual instincts are : approach with caution, and don’t be promiscuous.

I’m not advocating that every night be get drunk and naked night, because you’re definitely not coming across these gems all the time (and if you are, give me the name of your city and I’ll move there) All I’m saying is–You have to know what you’re saying NO to, and if that will be a NO you’ll remember for a long time. Ultimately, everyone has their own principles, morals, and limits, but

You just can’t be too high-strung in your 20′s, you have the rest of your life to be that way. Continue reading →

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Mar 15 2013
5 Comments
Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Wonder Bread Addiction

My first crush, at five, was John Smith. Yes, I’m talking about John Smith from Pocahontas. The first person I wanted to marry was Harrison Ford- I used to watch Indiana Jones movies obsessively. After realizing that the last 5 guys I had dated/hooked up with were all white, light hair, with light eyes, it dawned on me:

I have a soft spot for the white dudes.

My Irooni friends constantly make fun of me for my tendency for the blonde, blue-eyed dudes, one even calls it my “wonder bread addiction.” What makes white boys (aka “wonderbread”) fun to date compared to Persian guys?

1.  They are attracted to you:

Everyone wants to feel special, when your culture and background is something a guy doesn’t know about, suddenly there is a lot more he can ask and get to know about you.

Mundane things, like talking to your mom over the phone in Farsi about a doctor’s appointment, will sound sexy to a guy who has no idea what you are saying.

Teaching him about your culture, introducing him to Iranian food, and talking about different traditions is a fun way to get to know someone. Feeling desired and special is a huge turn on (and a bit addictive), and if a guy respects you enough to learn about you and your culture, then why not use it to have fun?

2· No Drama:

Persian Girls get a bad rep for having gossip and drama ridden lives. Why don’t we ever talk about all the gossip that happens between Persian guys? From having their egos bruised easily, to getting into feuds with friends over ridiculous things. No thank you.

3· Can you relax?

I’m a pretty laid back girl, I don’t need to go to fancy restaurants or clubs to have a good time. While some Persian guys will throw a fit if their water doesn’t have ice, American guys can just relax. Want to go camping? They will take you camping, can you imagine if some of the Persian guys you know went camping? He would bring his hair gel and moisturizers.

His overpowering cologne would attract all the bears to the tent. Continue reading →

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Mar 05 2013
10 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, What your momma didn't tell you

My Persian Mom Went Through My Stuff and Found…

A recent email from a Sweet Joonie with a Sour Problem. (Like Fessenjoon!)

Ok, we won’t quit blogging for comedy. But we gave her good enough advice that she allowed us to share her plight with the world, in hopes that maybe we could garner some more good insight!….

Hey girls,

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog and how much insight I get by reading it. With that said, I’ve run into a bit of a problem recently and would love to get some advice from you.

I am a 20 year old college student living on my own.

My parents live just about 15 minutes away from me. Yesterday, while I was in class, they decided to come over and bring me food (even though I specifically told them I would be in class until 5:30pm). When I left in the morning, my apartment wasn’t in the best shape, I had papers scattered everywhere, clothes on the ground, my bed wasn’t made, etc.

My mom, being the foozool (nosy) mom she is, absolutely LOVES going through my things, but doesn’t dare call it snooping, no… she’s “just helping me.”

Here’s where I’m stuck: I had a tiny plastic bag sitting on the bottom of my nightstand with 3 opened condom wrappers inside. I had every intention of throwing them out but forgot with school and such on my mind…

So what does my mom decide to do after she hangs my clothes and makes my bed?

image

She decided to open that plastic bag that obviously looked like garbage to see what was inside and to her surprise 3 used condom wrappers fell out… Continue reading →

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Mar 03 2013
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Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, What your momma didn't tell you

I Don’t Belong to One Culture

Hey joonies – we love starting the week with a GUEST post! We’re especially excited about this one – half Egyptian, half Dutch, and an all around strong woman. We’re so excited that Sara, a writer for Muftah.org and an Egyptian feminist, shared her story.  Enjoy! 

A lot has been written about us third culture kids. Identity crisis, confusion, and an endless sense of restlessness are just some of the issues that come along with the title. As someone who is half Egyptian and half Dutch, I know all about it. Who am I? Where do I belong? What is home?

All these questions pop up on a regular basis and bring with them a feeling of constantly being unsettled. Issues that are seen as simple to other people are complicated to us, and when it comes to relationships, it gets even more complicated.

Not belonging to one culture means that you miss a lot of rules and signals that are second nature to everyone else.

Egypt

Egypt

A lot of culture is passed through unspoken practices that no one tells you about but that everyone just knows because they’re so used to seeing it all around them. When it comes to dating and relationships, it gets even harder.

When I’m in Egypt, it’s all about how Egyptian men “really” are and how they like women to be.

- You can’t make the first move.

- You can’t pay when you go out with them.

- They love to be protective.

When I’m in Holland, it’s exactly the same, with different stereotypes.

- You should make the first move by showing you’re interested.

It’s weird if you don’t want to have sex after a few dates. Continue reading →

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Feb 28 2013
2 Comments
Douche of the Week, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Shitshows, Weekend Winning

I’m A Lady

Hey joonams,

I’ve been especially sickly this week so please excuse any random mutterings below. But in my defense, I had a pretty confusing week/end.

Let me start from the beginning… 

On Friday night, I met up with my ex and his best friend at a party – my ex leaves the party early without his friend … and the night proceeds with drinks and dancing. Suddenly, we’re making out (me and the friend) – no readiness, no expectations, it was probably just the booze taking over our brains (and grasp of common sense). And he just kept saying to me, “Don’t worry your ex won’t care.”

betI woke up the next morning just horrified – that “oh f#ck” moment you have when you wake up after drinking too much and start getting hit with flashbacks from the night before.

I was disgusted for not making the more responsible decision and I was disgusted with him for trying to convince me it was okay. It was mortifying and all I wanted to do was forget it ever happened (and never see either of them again). 

Of course, way easier said than done – especially when you all live in a tiny, incestuous city. But all I really wanted was for the friend to text me like he said he would, so I could end the situation:

Listen, I don’t think this is such a good idea. K thanks. 

I wasn’t sure if he would actually text me…

But I knew that I wouldn’t be the first to text him… because guys are always expected to text first. That’s what the rules are according to our society.

bm

When girls give out their phone number to some guy they meet – they usually wait for that guy to contact them first. We wait for the stupid 3 day rule to pass and if we don’t hear from them by then – we let go.

Obviously, there are exceptions to every rule – but ultimately, this is the game we all play.

I felt like if my ex’s friend didn’t text me then this whole fiasco was ending on HIS terms … because based on our gender roles, it’s fact that I wouldn’t contact him first. (Obviously, this whole inner conflict also has to do with some major pride issues, but we can talk about that another time).

But discussing this with a friend, he brought up the fact that if no one has contacted the other – it ends on no one’s terms.

Furthermore, he asked if I’m so “pro-women” and equal rights, then why do I let gender roles define my social life? Continue reading →

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Feb 26 2013
4 Comments
Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Joon, What your momma didn't tell you

How I (Can’t) Feel

First off, in case anyone remembers or remotely cares, I did meet my Persian girlfriend’s mother. I feel like it went really well. (see my last post here!)

This may have to do with my mother always telling me, as a child, how charming I was, translating into a false sense of supremacy.

Regardless, my girlfriend told me her mother liked me enough. Either I am in the clear or my girlfriend has a great poker face.

Second, I would like to thank Saaghi and Farrah for posting my blurb and genuinely caring how my visit went. They have set up a wonderful blog giving voice to first generation Iranians abroad. Merci Farrah and Saaghi joon.

I can’t express my emotions properly.

I’m not a quiet individual nor am I my great-grandfather whom apparently only spoke to berate the loose morals of 50s youth: “‘Laash’ women and their harlequin print dresses.” My issue isn’t that I’m an introvert. My issue isn’t that I think speaking about feelings is a feminine trait. My issue is that I don’t know what to do when feeling: sad, upset, vulnerable, distressed, etc…

I would categorize myself as an emotional person. I don’t mean that I sob during long distance phone commercials. I mean that whether I am really excited or melancholic, the emotion overtakes me. I have moments where I’m animated from happiness and moments where I’m as un-enthused as Al Gore in a library.
My mom has accused me of taking drugs. My doctor has accused me of not taking enough drugs.
I’m not trying to make myself sound like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, nor am I painting a picture of a cross between Cary Grant and Behrouz Voussoughi, I’m only trying to be honest. People whom I build strong relationships with, friendly or romantic, understand this about me. My girlfriend, bless her heart, know this well and remains with me, although I must say she isn’t always a walk in the park either. We’re great (for the most part) together.

This little biography brings me back to the first sentence; I can’t express my emotions properly. I can sit and listen to my friend, partner or parent speak about their issues and give semi-decent advice. However, when the roles are reversed, Lassie does a better job at explaining his issues.

This ends up complicating my relationships. Building a relationship is difficult enough as it is. While we always think and speak of our partner’s best traits, it is really their worst you must accept. This is a given, of course. No person is baggage-less. Even if I think Alicia Keys and I would mingle quite well, I’m sure she has characteristics I would have to try to get over; such as not knowing how to make loobia polo. My baggage is the stress I can put on a relationship by not knowing how to say “I am sad.” I end up going quiet or getting upset. What is worse is at times I don’t even know why I’m upset. My girlfriend then gets frustrated because I’m in a bad mood and I won’t open up. I have managed to string together sentences blaming her and the 1979 revolution simultaneously for my own issues. I’ve also been a big enough jerk to blame her for lack of caring when she asks “what’s wrong?” An oxymoronic jackass.

I’ve read in the odd female magazine, yes I’ve looked inside Cosmopolitan and the Oprah one,

….that most men do not know how to express their feelings or that we’re afraid of our emotions. I find it funny that those articles are always written by women who do not have a) any clue about being male & b) testicles. Continue reading →

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Feb 11 2013
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Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Joon, Saaghi

Mitra Sumara: What does it mean to be Iranian?

Joonies,

I love every single interview we get to do. But with each one, I’ve walked in with some sort of background on ‘who’ and listened to the story of ‘how.’ With Yvette Perez, the founding member of Mitra Sumara, I didn’t know ‘who’ ‘how’ or ‘why’, and by the end of the interview, I felt like I had taken so much away from the experience that I forgot why I had even asked questions in the first place. Her answers brought to mind so many more questions about culture, identity and the idea of “being.”  What does it mean to be Iranian? And how do you decide who gets to “claim it”?

There’s so much to take in with Yvette’s story, and her relationship to Music and Iran. 

She is a bit of everything, but I’d love for her to claim her Iranian culture– because she is doing greater things with it than you can even imagine!

xx,

Saaghi

MITRA SUMARA in action

MITRA SUMARA in action

- So I have to say, when I saw your name -Yvette Perez- I was a bit confused. Tell me about yourself:

I’m half-Iranian, my other half is a mix of North European, American Indian. I was adopted by American parents, who divorced when I was 2. My mother remarried a Mexican, so she gave me his name– and so I grew up with the Spanish surname.

- And where’d you grow up?

I grew up in Carson, a suburb of LA. It was kinda odd growing up there… large Chicano, Black, and Filipino population. My neighborhood was predominantly first-generation, so ethnicity was important. And I really felt like an outsider… My hair was frizzy and I didn’t look like anybody else at school.

- Many of us with cultural conflicts experience some sort of ‘identity crisis.’  How do you think yours was similar/different?

Well it was peculiar being in school when the Revolution happened, kids would taunt me, and my mother at home would tell me “don’t tell anyone you’re Iranian.” And I’d think– but that’s what I am?

So, while I knew I was Iranian, I didn’t really know what that meant.

mitra1

My mother did not explore the culture much. I had discovered these old Persian records from the library, and I remember the one time I brought them home, she danced around the house, making fun of it. It was mortifying!

I found my birth mother when I was in college, and she gave me my father’s name (who is from Tehran). I found him a few years ago and we’ve built a strong relationship since then. I have found that my father and I are alike in spirit and some personality characteristics despite that fact that I didn’t grow up with him. Whenever we are together and notice these synchronicities -  it’s amazing. A true testament to the strength of one’s roots and genetic background.

In terms of my ethnic background; I feel that I’m in disguise. If I didn’t grow up with the culture, how can I claim it as mine? Continue reading →

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