Filed under Guys I’d date, My Dad would hate …

May 15 2013
Leave a comment
Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Shut the Front Door, What your momma didn't tell you

Freedom of Date

My mum - who unlike many Egyptian mothers does not care that I’m 22 and single –  recently asked me if I would like to “meet” the son of one of her friends.

Apparently, the guy’s parents were on the hunt for a wife. My answer was a scowl the size of Africa and I was surprised that the woman who raised me to be a no-bullshit, independent woman would make such an offer.

“Yasmine, I didn’t say marry him or even date him, I said meet him”, she said in exasperation.

“Yes mum, but why on earth would a 25-year-old man get his parents to find him a wife? Something must be seriously wrong with his social life.”

She dropped the conversation. Hmm, I thought to myself, did this guy actually ask his parents for this, or are they volunteering to put an end to his bachelorhood?

fail

Growing up, I was always surrounded by negative attitudes on being set up on dates by your folks.

My parents for one, never sought that path because they believed in their children’s’ independent ability to find what is right for them in life. And yet that afternoon when my mum made her unusual offer, she prompted me to ask several questions.

First of all, why do many of us have such a negative attitude towards meeting guys through our folks? Continue reading →

About these ads
Tagged , , , , , ,
May 14 2013
5 Comments
Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate, What your momma didn't tell you

I Am Dashing Like Storm

Our guest blogger tonight is, Ayesha – a Pakistani woman – who not only has a lot of opinions, but she’s not afraid to share them. Get ready for a (necessary) reality check. Enjoy!

Hey joons,

As of recently, my mother has gone on a “shadi brigade” [wedding bandwagon]. She is worried that her eldest daughter is beyond her age of getting married.

Basically I am dinosaur old in Pakistani years, but biologically I am just 25.

My mother thinks that after “letting” me having my own way in life [me running away from home and doing my own thing wasn't my own choice apparently, in her opinion], she wants to impose the regular brown life on me. According to her, its about time I followed the natural course of action aka get hitched to some brown dude and reproduce his spawn. [ew ew ew]

wedding

Though I have tried endlessly to explain to her that I am not really a typical kid and the whole idea is nothing but disastrous. It just seems all of my reasoning falls on deaf ears.

Here is why I am an unfit bride:

1. I do not want kids:

My youngest sister was 5yrs old when I was 19. I have been a second mom to my siblings and there is no way I am doing this all over again. I am done with parenting and baby drama and I honestly, don’t want to be a human incubator.

2. I cant be a housewife:

I live on my own, I work, I volunteer in the community, I do my own shit.

Pak/brown dudes are like man-childs because their mamas would act as housemaids for their grown ass – even when they turn 60. Women are considered to be born for “certain” roles, so if you don’t follow that “role” you are doomed. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , ,
Apr 22 2013
Leave a comment
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Torshideh

You Should Message Me If…

Hey joons,

I’m 26 years old – I’m officially inching towards my upper 20′s, and straddling the line between marriage and “torshideh” – any day now my mom is going to ask me to move in with her because I’m past my prime for a husband.

My parents are always hesitant to ask me about dating. They know I’m going to reply with that exasperated sigh and an annoyed “stop asking me stupid questions” response.

Part of me hates getting their hopes up if I am seeing someone and the other part hates hearing their obvious disappointment if I’m not seeing someone.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

khloeBut of course, when it comes to the future of my love life, they don’t really care about their aberoo - they always find a way to slip it in with every phone conversation.

Their voice drops three octaves lower and they say,

“So azizam, are you seeing any-vone?”  Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Apr 17 2013
1 Comment
Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

The Best Advice is No Advice At All

One of my biggest pet peeves is when friends in relationships turn to me and assure me to “not worry” and that I will “find someone.”

The same goes with any advice columns in women’s magazines that prey on women and girls’ insecurities. They proceed to tell me all the things I ‘m doing wrong, and all the ways in which I could change myself so that I can meet that special person.

I’ve heard my fair share of advice on how to meet guys.  EVERY SINGLE piece of “advice” about how to meet guys and what I should do to meet that someone special that I can swab spit with regularly.

After hearing all of this, I can safely say that all of these morsels of “truth” are bullshit.

cosmo Be Confident:

How many times have you heard that girls have to be confident to get a guy?

I’m all for girls being confident and working on their self-esteem, but for themselves, not for a guy.

Plus, this is absolute BULL SHIT. I’ve lost count of the number of immature, self conscious, and oblivious girls that have boyfriends lining up for them. You probably know at least one girl who is a mess, lacks self-esteem, but somehow has a boyfriend.

 You are intimidating:

I was once told that I should be more docile so that men don’t feel intimidated by me. To this piece of useless advice I say: FUCK YOU.  If being in a relationship is more important than being comfortable in my own strength and who I am, then I don’t want a relationship.

If a guy is so sensitive that he cannot take a woman with goals and opinions because it makes him feel like he is losing his man-hood, then I don’t need his bullshit. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , ,
Apr 11 2013
8 Comments
Douche of the Week, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Dating Disaster FOBS

Joons – this has been an exciting week. First, we introduced the wonderful Yasmine with her first post (click here). Tonight, we have another joon to introduce you to – Souraya. Check out her first post below and welcome her to the S&F fam. 

You are an Iranian-American girl, and meeting someone who shares the same culture sounds really appealing at first until you realize you’ve entered a drama web full of lost in translation exchanges. Those Farsi terms of endearment this FOB (Fresh off the Boat) guy is using go right over your head too.

Man jigharet o mikhoram.

What? You want to eat my liver? That sounds gross.

FOBs are another breed of man. They have a mix of traditional views on dating, while also claiming that they have “assimilated,” when they really exclusively date and hang out with other Iranians. I must say that I am describing the most stereotypical FOB guys, who want to put behind their baggage of dating in Iran, but can’t get over the cultural expectations that an Iranian girl should be pure, prude, passive, and a pushover that they can control.

hate

At first FOB guys woe you in with how much they know about Iranian culture and how sensitive and in touch with their emotions they can be, but I quickly realized that this was a mask for their manipulation, drama, and possessiveness.

They have this idea that when they meet a girl they are supposed to know they love them right away.

You know like back in the day when they drove around the streets of Tehran, spotted an Iranian beauty, and it was love at first sight. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , ,
Apr 10 2013
5 Comments
Douche of the Week, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

The ManWhore

Joonies – we’re introducing our lovely Egyptian writer Yasmine. Yasmine’s a reader, political thinker, and an-all around intelligent woman. Enjoy!

I recently had a conversation with a guy who thought he was being smart when, as he complained about his love life, exclaimed,

“Each time I run into one of these whores and she acts like she doesn’t know me, I just want to tell her, ‘bitch I’ve seen you naked!’”

My eyebrows may have well reached my hairline in shock as I sat listening to this buffoon complain about the amount of “cheap lays” he encountered. Had I been able to get a grip on my nerves, I would have told him that any girl in her right mind would certainly have full rights to disown him. More importantly however, I would have asked him a question that I feel ought to be asked to be generally addressed by many of us…

how do we find it acceptable to refer to women as whores within a conversation in which a male speaker demonstrates obvious whorish tendencies?

I hear many guys boast about their sexual records and each time I find it hard to understand how they have the guts to then call women whores.

whores

 I am quite sure that many of you have overheard conversations with similar lines to the one above. Moreover, the Internet is flooded with “bitches (and hoes) be like” memes. Facebook too, continues to harbor many “hoe detection” pages. So why is it that men can admittedly boast of a hundred plus affairs and get away with it?

Worse still, when the word “manwhore” is used, it is often said in a teasing tone meant to enforce the impressiveness of the man’s sexual accomplishments. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , ,
Apr 04 2013
16 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

I Can’t Stay Away From Persian Girls

Eide hamatoon mobarak.

While I have no qualms getting funky on the 31st of December, the first day of spring is my new year. Not only because it is the Persian New Year, but based on the solar calendar, frankly it makes the most sense. Nevertheless, I never miss Iran and my family as much as I do during Eid. All of them in Shomal, eating fish, rice with herbs and raw garlic. Being surrounded by my family is what I miss most during Norouz.  While an unhealthy amount of coddling meant I had to move away from my family, I wouldn’t mind sitting around being overfed by my mother just about now.

Happy New Year to all of you, but a special Eid to those who couldn’t be with their families for whatever reason.

I love Persian girls. I am easily most attracted to them from a superficial standpoint. Their hair, their eyes, their skin, frankly I’m a sucker for Persian girls. Having said that, why is it that every time I end a relationship, no matter how serious or casual, with a Persian girl, I take a huge break from them?

date

Not from girls, from Iranian girls. The truth is, relationships I’ve had with Persian girls have been by far the most mentally taxing.

Numerous occasions I found myself thinking “just date another ethnicity”, it is much easier. However, after awhile, I always find myself slowly gravitating towards another Persian girl. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , ,
Mar 28 2013
4 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Saaghi, Weekend Winning, What your momma didn't tell you

High-Five Yourself!

Saaghi here, I know it has been awhile– but we have such talented new writers that Farrah and I get excited to just share, share, share!

This latest post was inspired by this article I read the other day, 35 Things I Wish I Had Done Before Turning 35 by Hemal Jhaveri. Now, we all have our unfulfilled bucket lists, and it is inevitable that we’re going to have a few “I wish I had…”  but one thing really stuck out to me on this list,

2. Hooked up with that hot guy from New Zealand who I met in a bar in Bali
In your 20s, you think stuff like this will happen to you again and again, but trust me, it doesn’t. And he totally would have been worth it.

If you think I’m going to go on about how I think we should all hook up instead of thinking twice, you’re wrong. But I think Hemal captures something really interesting, the once-in-a-lifetime hookup. Sure, in college, you can trade saliva with a lot of frat boys, athletes, and pseudo-intellectual Socialists —

but once in awhile, life throws you a Gem of a hookup. And its not about love, or relationships, or anything like that.

Its a pure ‘HIGH-FIVE yourself’ moment, and that’s why it’s great. Because when you do turn 35, you’ll look back and mentally high-five yourself again.

image

And while meeting a sexy foreign guy and deciding against sharing some drunken kisses (or more) with him seems crazy, it happens a lot. One of my girlfriends turned down a successful Spaniard –who couldn’t keep his hands off of her– only to regret it two minutes later, and go looking for him again at the bar! I’ve had one or two gem hook ups, that I high-five myself for every time. One, in Paris, where my friends really helped me get the Parisian guy of my dreams..for a few hours ;).

Our usual instincts are : approach with caution, and don’t be promiscuous.

I’m not advocating that every night be get drunk and naked night, because you’re definitely not coming across these gems all the time (and if you are, give me the name of your city and I’ll move there) All I’m saying is–You have to know what you’re saying NO to, and if that will be a NO you’ll remember for a long time. Ultimately, everyone has their own principles, morals, and limits, but

You just can’t be too high-strung in your 20′s, you have the rest of your life to be that way. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Mar 15 2013
5 Comments
Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Wonder Bread Addiction

My first crush, at five, was John Smith. Yes, I’m talking about John Smith from Pocahontas. The first person I wanted to marry was Harrison Ford- I used to watch Indiana Jones movies obsessively. After realizing that the last 5 guys I had dated/hooked up with were all white, light hair, with light eyes, it dawned on me:

I have a soft spot for the white dudes.

My Irooni friends constantly make fun of me for my tendency for the blonde, blue-eyed dudes, one even calls it my “wonder bread addiction.” What makes white boys (aka “wonderbread”) fun to date compared to Persian guys?

1.  They are attracted to you:

Everyone wants to feel special, when your culture and background is something a guy doesn’t know about, suddenly there is a lot more he can ask and get to know about you.

Mundane things, like talking to your mom over the phone in Farsi about a doctor’s appointment, will sound sexy to a guy who has no idea what you are saying.

Teaching him about your culture, introducing him to Iranian food, and talking about different traditions is a fun way to get to know someone. Feeling desired and special is a huge turn on (and a bit addictive), and if a guy respects you enough to learn about you and your culture, then why not use it to have fun?

2· No Drama:

Persian Girls get a bad rep for having gossip and drama ridden lives. Why don’t we ever talk about all the gossip that happens between Persian guys? From having their egos bruised easily, to getting into feuds with friends over ridiculous things. No thank you.

3· Can you relax?

I’m a pretty laid back girl, I don’t need to go to fancy restaurants or clubs to have a good time. While some Persian guys will throw a fit if their water doesn’t have ice, American guys can just relax. Want to go camping? They will take you camping, can you imagine if some of the Persian guys you know went camping? He would bring his hair gel and moisturizers.

His overpowering cologne would attract all the bears to the tent. Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , ,
Mar 13 2013
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, NAStY HAAwT

What A Bad Boy

Joons,

I can practically feel spring and Norouz – unfortunately, I live too far away from my parents to bask in their Norouz festivities (and pocket change), but I can enjoy my pet goldfish nonetheless.

On the East Coast – spring is amazing. You stop wearing what feels like 5000 layers, you can actually feel heat from the sun, the flowers are pretty. It’s a great time of year (for two weeks… then it’s f#cking hot). When it’s spring, you no longer experience anxiety about leaving the house because of the ridiculous cold. It’s the time where you can enjoy being active and you can fantasize about what the day holds.

Clearly, I dream about when this day will come often. But despite my fantasies about the cute sandals and pretty sundress I’ll wear, I take a completely different approach when it comes to sex.

I can dream about the most mundane things. But when it comes to sex, I can’t imagine anything other than the reality.

And the reality is, I’ll probably wear a total of one dress this summer and after two weeks, I’ll start bitching about the humidity.

humid

For some reasons, one of the top 10 questions guys ask when they get all personal (and if they’re ballsy) is: what’s your fantasy?  Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 667 other followers

%d bloggers like this: