Category Archives: Shitshows

Jun 28 2012
Leave a comment
Arab Obsession, Farrah, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Shitshows, What the F

Put A Cookie in the Douchebag Jar

Hi JOOOONIES,

T-1 day TILL FRIDAYYY.  Can’t be more excited.  I’ve been having major writer’s block this week…

There’s only so much sex I can have– and so many of those stories worth telling.

We’ve heard it all– the bad dates, the cocky guys aka the usual walking disasters I seem to be interacting with on a daily basis.

Bad dates aren’t hard to come by, actually it’s the good dates that rarely ever seem to happen for me.  I’ve experienced it all: cocky assholes, workaholics, cocky, shy, cocky, cocky, cocky.  And for many of us (like me), the time to say goodbye can’t come fast enough.

Unless they surprise you with that super awkward kiss attack– and then you both end up having to walk the same route to get home… FML, worst possible case scenario, happens WAY TOO OFTEN.  

ew

But there’s only so much damage a guy can do during the date.  Sometimes, it’s the aftermath that really f#cks it up.

A few weeks ago, I went on a date with this guy from work.  He was fun to talk to in the elevator– so when he suggested Persian food for dinner, how could I resist?

*Please note: he was NOT Persian… Armenian Lebanese– everything my dad would disapprove of… which made him that much more appealing.

There’s something about tall, dark and handsome I just can’t resist…

…And mix that in with some chelo kabob– I’m done.  Sold.  All yours.  Not much room to mess that up, if you ask me.

Continue reading →

About these ads
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
Jun 06 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Shitshows, Weekend Winning

Need You to Spank Me

JOONIESS.

To have to follow David Golshan is a bit much because let’s be real, you really can’t beat that… but you do what you gotta do.  So #LEGGO.

My topic tonight might be a little confusing because I’m still trying to figure everything out myself- but here’s to hoping that you guys can help me out a little bit.

Guilt.

As Persians (men and women), we ALL feel it whether it’s with getting bad grades or having sex out of wedlock.  But it’s how we allow that guilt to take over our decisions and lives that really matters (to me).

When I lost my virginity, I had to justify it to myself.  As if waiting until I was 20 years old and in love wasn’t justification enough, I had to plead with myself that it really was okay to have done the dirty.

I felt the need to convince myself that what I had done wasn’t “wrong,” even though it’s a natural part of life.

Oops I did it again

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Jun 01 2012
Leave a comment
Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Joon, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, Shitshows, Torshideh and Desperate, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

The Club Can’t Handle This Right Now.

salaaam joonies,

today’s post is all about the dark side of being persian– and I’m getting straight to de point.

For some this will be necessary, for others irrelevant. But I promise it is entertaining nonetheless, so LEGGOOO

Persian Club Etiquette For Dummies.

Introduction:

Let me break it down. I know that how much fun you have at clubs is inversely related to how many times you go clubbing. Especially if you start before you hit the legal age, the big 2-1 (eff 18+ nights! #sorryboutit) The earlier you start, the more jaded you get. But aside from that, this is fact:

I can’t count how many times I’ve been clubbing, but I can count how many time’s I’ve enjoyed it.

(Ibiza takes the cake FOSHO)

I go to clubs for music, and dancing– there is nothing better than seeing your favorite DJ play a live set. But for some Persians, clubbing is a different ball game. They ruin it for the rest of us, but if you by chance want to join their ranks– here’s a few lessons.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
May 17 2012
6 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Joon, Shitshows, Shut the Front Door

The SingleMan Party

Hey joonie joons,

We decided it was time for a different perspective on the blog– a male perspective.  It’s been a little while since we heard some of our Persian men air out their dirty laundry so what better way than with an exclusive interview with one of West Coast’s finest, THE GRADUATE.  He’s young, hot, successful and living big… what more can you ask for? We’re hoping he can shed some light into the complicated lives of Persian men– plus, we are really excited to read what HE has to say about the double standard between Persian men and women.  Hope you’re ready for this one because we’re sure he won’t disappoint: 

- What kind of lifestyle would you say you had in college– Did your social scene ever evolve as you became older or did it remain the same? 

I had a girlfriend in high school and after we left for college, we tried to do the long distance thing.  But, it just didn’t work out, and I was confused about how I felt and what was going on in that relationship.  My first year of college provided me with a lot of distractions:  lots of parties, lots of girls and lots of drinking.

I have many older, male cousins and they had told me that college is supposed to be the best years of your life, so I had that kind of mindset and those expectations — and it was with that frame of mind that really led the basis of my life in college.

I was experimenting and dating around as much as I could.   Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
May 07 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Last Night, Shitshows, Shut the Front Door, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Loose as a Goose

JOOONIESSS.

What up.  Happy f#cking Monday.  Now let’s get right to it.

Bar Etiquette.

Going out with my girlfriends is a pretty regular occurrence on the weekends– as I would assume the same for most of you joonies out there.  No need to hide it, sometimes you just gotta let loose and forget about all the shit you have to get done on Monday.

Work hard, play harder #mottoforlife

It really helps getting through your week knowing that you have FRI./SAT. night to kick it.

#firstworldproblems

Obvs. I’m not the only one out there who likes to leave my problems at home and just get crazy with my girls– but lately, I’ve been noticing others act like total fools at the bar… and unfortunately, we’re not all 21 anymore so let’s have a little class (even when we’re wasted).

Since when is being a total shitshow EVER cute?   Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
May 03 2012
2 Comments
Arab Money, Arab Obsession, Douche of the Week, Joon, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, Shitshows, What the F

You are SO dumb, FO REAL!

:)

there’s only so many ways you can say hello, and I’m all out for today. & if you love ARAB $$ and SEXY like I do, this song’ll be a hit– summer in Morocco anyone?

and I couldn’t help but post another one for the people going out this weekend:

yeah I kinda gave into #bieberFEVER just a little.

So I’ve decided I have no HOSELEH (HOS for short–patience) for two things:

- ONLINE SHOPPING emails

- Ditzy MEN

One is because I’m broke, the other because I’m too intelligent.

I dont think its ok for girls to play it stupid, but when they actually are that dumb, I just forgive them– because I’m not trying to have sex with them. But for guys, its not that easy. As much as I know not EVERY hook up isn’t going to be an Einstein, I always thought it was safe to assume they have some sort of evolutionary-given common sense. Or could suppress their stupidity for at least the short period of time it takes to get it on.

Saaghi, you’re STUPID. Again.

My friends joke with me that I get with guys on a disability spectrum– from the physically handicapped to the mentally handicapped. I mean there was that one time with the blind guy– but come on! (JK–no one said I was PC on this blog)

But really, now its become a problem: before I’d wait til the next day or tilat least the hookup was over to tell my friends of the stupid sh!t they did, but now I find myself texting/laughing DURING the whole thing.

If I can’t wait to tell the world, it means you’re that ridiculous.   Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 30 2012
4 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Fetish, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, NAStY HAAwT, Shitshows, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Do Me Right

Hey JOONIES,

We want to apologize for being MIA for a few days– we promise that will never happen again.

Regardless, we hope our joonies had a fabulous weekend- ours was a little stressful with our life responsibilities back to slap us in the face, but now that it’s under control (kinda)- we’re back and we have something fun to discuss for tonight.

One night stands.

You either love them or you’re the kind of person who judges others for basking in them. 

At least before you die...

I have mixed feelings about it.  I’m a pretty big believer in not having sex unless you’re in a relationship and there are a few reasons for that:

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 17 2012
7 Comments
Douche of the Week, Farrah, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Shitshows, What the F

How to Lose a Girl in One Day

HELLOHELLO,

Sometimes when you have a shitty date, you need to let the dust settle before analyzing what exactly went wrong.

See joonies, some guys just go a little overboard when they’re trying to impress you.  This is what they need to realize:

There’s a fine line between confidence and cocky

and when that line is crossed, everything is downhill from there.

#forreal

When a guy asks a girl out- the date should really be about him getting to know her, the date shouldn’t be about how “great” he is.  Ultimately, we really don’t want to hear it.  We’ve already agreed to go out with them, and it’s not so we can listen to how awesome they are.

Going on and on about yourself isn’t going to convince us to suck your d*ck.

Sorryaboutit.

I’ve been on a decent number of dates: I’ve sat through the good, the bad and the ugly (boys: please don’t cry on a first date- it’s a guarantee sex chance killer).  

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 15 2012
Leave a comment
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Shitshows, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Ain’t Fun if Your Homies Can’t Get Some

Hi JOONAMS,

I just want to start off by saying whoever decided that spring break wasn’t for adults was on some serious CRACK.

Moving on… (at least TRYING to).

I’ve mentioned this before, but when it comes to making friends, Persian girls are a tough crowd. We’re not friends with just anyone and we’re quick to hate on any girl that steps out of line.

Persian girls are firm believers in natural selection. We hate so that you become a better person.

It’s really for your own good.  We care about you that much. 

It takes us awhile to accept someone into our inner circle and according to any Persian girl, we are friends with the best of the best.

Persian girls know all

But here is where we go wrong: when it comes to our men screwing up, we are quick to punish the girl before even considering hating on our man of the hour.

*This applies to women of ALL races- whether they’re black, Asian, white, etc.

We only hate on the “bitch who stole our man.”  How does that make sense when there are two consenting adults backstabbing like they actually have the right to?

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 08 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Give it to me, Shitshows, What the F

BOO, YOU WHORE

Hey jooonie joons,

It’s about to get real tonight– dealing with a pretty touchy subject here and so I need to be extra careful with how I let this one out and who might read it.

Oh wait…

I don’t give a sh*t.

If you haven’t already noticed. 

If you can’t tell, I’m a little annoyed.  But let’s rewind…

Persian girls.

Let’s be real- befriending a group of Persian girls is one of the hardest things to do because we are some of the bitchiest, most judgmental women out there (we’re still pretty legit though — #truestory).

I will be the first to admit that when a new girl is introduced to my group of my friends, I don’t warm up to her until she proves herself to me.  But when a new guy is introduced — I don’t even think twice. #doublestandards.

If that new guy flirts with the biggest skank in the room, I’d probably find it somewhat amusing/funny.  BUT, if that new girl flirts with the hot guy in our group or even worst- my ex… I’d probably choke her (and judge obviously).

And I consider myself the “anti-bitch Persian girl.” (most of the time)

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 677 other followers

%d bloggers like this: