Filed under Shut the Front Door

Freedom of Date

My mum - who unlike many Egyptian mothers does not care that I’m 22 and single –  recently asked me if I would like to “meet” the son of one of her friends.

Apparently, the guy’s parents were on the hunt for a wife. My answer was a scowl the size of Africa and I was surprised that the woman who raised me to be a no-bullshit, independent woman would make such an offer.

“Yasmine, I didn’t say marry him or even date him, I said meet him”, she said in exasperation.

“Yes mum, but why on earth would a 25-year-old man get his parents to find him a wife? Something must be seriously wrong with his social life.”

She dropped the conversation. Hmm, I thought to myself, did this guy actually ask his parents for this, or are they volunteering to put an end to his bachelorhood?

fail

Growing up, I was always surrounded by negative attitudes on being set up on dates by your folks.

My parents for one, never sought that path because they believed in their children’s’ independent ability to find what is right for them in life. And yet that afternoon when my mum made her unusual offer, she prompted me to ask several questions.

First of all, why do many of us have such a negative attitude towards meeting guys through our folks? Continue reading

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There’s a Person Under This Beard

So I have a beard. No, I had a beard. Let me explain. I play around with my facial hair. It’s a way for me to change it up and have a good time. Girls do things with their hair. I recently heard the term “side bangs”. Me, I like to change it up on my face from time to time.

Will I enjoy sporting my moustache in different manners, I decided to grow my beard back out. Being as I am a Persian man, and I have more hair on my buttocks than most people on their head, before the week’s end I was looking like the Oxi clean guy.

oxi That’s when the recurring issue happened every time I grow my beard.

“You look like a terrorist.” In a span of about 21 days, I heard dozens of alterations of that sentence.

“You look dangerous,” 

“You look scary,”

“You look like you’re going to blow something up.”

I tell you it is non-conditional.

My friend, who happens to be sefeed (Trans: vaait. Trans: white) also has a pretty thick set beard. What comments does he get?

“Sick beard bro!” “You look like a lumberjack!” “What a hipster beard”.

I asked him what’s the worst thing someone told you. He said someone told him he looked like a “bum.” Continue reading

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I Didn’t See Your Text…

A few months ago I went on two rather awkward dates with a perfectly nice, but rather strange dude. When he texted me to hang out for a third time, I found myself making up an excuse: “My friends are in town for the weekend -sorry!”

When he texted again a week later, I said I was “going home to visit family.

 And then a third time, I had an “emergency” to deal with. Finally by the fourth time, I gave up and didn’t even answer back. You might ask…

Why as an adult who is more than capable of using my words, I decided to completely avoid the situation and instead opted to create excuses? Because I like avoiding awkward encounters.

aawk

I don’t think anyone particularly enjoys awkward encounters, but some are definitely better at handling them than I am. Continue reading

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Grabbing Balls

I recently read a “scientific” study that attempted to explain why, despite all the resistance to street harassment, “men” simply refuse to consider catcalls a serious problem. According to this report, some forlorn biological characteristic renders sexual attention, both sought and unsought for, appealing to men. For this reason, they argue, men don’t find street harassment and catcalls a problem despite the zillions of women explaining that it is.

far

Well, if this is science, and scientific explanations are the root of modernity, then I’m sure the majority of us would much rather remain primitive. Indeed, the past few weeks have showed how much women, and normal men, have rejected all excuses for sexual violence.

In case anyone has missed it, April was sexual violence awareness month.

On April 7th-13th, social media was buzzing with news and views about how women of the world may finally be able to walk about their streets in safety. Movements offline in the form of street protests also made an impressive show of their resistance to street harassment.

Perhaps what is more evident now than any other time is the fact, and yes it is a FACT, that sexual violence knows no borders, cultures or religion.

So next time someone tells you that harassment and rape are a “third world”, “Arab”, “South Asian” or “Muslim” phenomenon, you know that is absolute bullshit.

rape

Yet despite the existence of these inspiring movements around the world, the fact remains that until now, no form of protest seems capable of reducing the skyrocketing rates of sexual violence. Hell, we even have projects dedicated to “teaching men not to rape now” as a last desperate resort.

Which is why I will get back to my-cough- scientific study, and propose an experiment.

If men allegedly find unwanted sexual attention appealing, consider the following:

How many times have we as women, heard men exclaim, “I love pussy!” as they attempted one physical move or another while we walk past? What could happen if we in turn, started grabbing every guy’s balls as he walked past and told him that we all now “love balls”? Continue reading

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Trust is BLIND

Hey joonies,

Happy Hump Day! Few more hours until we’re over the hump and THAT MUCH closer to the weekend. You’d think that with the three-day weekend we just had, I wouldn’t be so greedy. But work takes up about 80 percent of my time so excuuuuse me for feeling the weekend blues.

In all honesty, I just want to sleep in and watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Don’t judge – reality TV is my ultimate guilty pleasure – but I don’t feel so guilty about it.

Anyway, I’ll get to the real point of this post sooner rather than later because I need some help from you guys on this one:

trapLet me back up for a second…

I’ve always been very… independent when it comes to men. I don’t trust easily and it’s not because I’ve been so scarred for life, but because I feel like every time I begin to trust one – I get let down.

The fear of vulnerability outnumbers any desire to take a risk.

And I’m actually quite okay with that for now because I truly haven’t met anyone that I can see a future with.  So it’s really out of sight out of mind for me… until I realized that…

There are different degrees of trust in any type of “romantic” relationship: (1). you trust your partner to stay committed and (2). you trust the guy you’re f#cking to refrain from [figuratively] f#cking you over. Continue reading

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From Your Valentine

Sup joons,

Valentine’s Day can make us feel pretty resentful. I haven’t had a “romantic” Valentine’s Day since… ever. Once I bought my ex flowers, then the following year we broke up. The year after we were still broken up but trying, (which is always horrible), and last year it went to hell.

vv

This year I have hopes in having a lovey dovey day. Not expectations, but hopes. As baba says…

“If you expect, you will be disappointed. If you hope, you will only get sad.”

February gets a lot of cold shoulders (pun intended) from those shunning Valentine’s Day. You’re either bumming about singledom or raging against the commercialism machine.

But, like many Western holidays, did you know Valentine’s Day comes from Roman and Christian beliefs and traditions?

Way back when Romans wore olive branches and togas, February was the month for celebrating agricultural bounty. Cries of “Tend the grapes!” were probably shouted all over the place while the humble Roman folk were preparing to get jiggy with their favorite reason for February: Lupercalia.Lupercalia was a fertility feast celebrated on February 15 where Romans paid homage to Faunus, their god of agriculture.

Roman priests (Luperci) sacrificed goats and dogs, and then stripped the goat hide away and slapped town women with the hide to bestow upon them more fertile wombs. Roman women welcomed this gesture, believing it could help them yield many a crop of strong Roman boys and more bloody-goat-hide-lovin’ Roman ladies.

This year, ask your sweetheart to do the same thing – if he slaps you with bloody goat hide, he’s a keeper and you may want to start planning your khastegari. Continue reading

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Concept of School Seems So Securrre

Hey joonies,

We’re starting off the end of the week right with a very special guest post by NASEEM joon – enjoy! 

Oh Joon Joons,

Salaams and booses from the frozen tundra of Minneapolis, MN! This is another joon from the Joon Club (is that name sticking yet, or is it just me?), Naseem Joon, affectionately sending all my love from the heartland. I’m fortunate enough to write this blog post as both a guest and fan of S&F (and Saaghi&Farrah, too!).

Let’s get intimate before proceeding: I’m half Iranian, my favorite dish is gormeh sahbzi (I have a bottomless stomach when it comes to gormeh sahbzi), and I usually take my chai straight to the head.

And I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t had fessenjoon in a while. Yikes!

I’ve been an avid reader and fan of this blog and its lovely curators for quite some time.

I find something so magical about how stories written by two women I don’t know in the flesh have touched me so deeply, made me laugh, and resonated as identical reflections of my own life and experiences as a woman of Iranian heritage in the USA. I am so moved that I have taken the liberty of telling you yet another tale of the joonies and giving a slice of my own story.

As we joons know…

Education in our culture is just as important as football and freedom to those in the USA.

clueless

Now, don’t get me wrong, because that isn’t to say education isn’t emphasized to young people in the USA, or that we Iroonis can’t get down with buff men in tight spandex or feel inspired by that screeching sound of a bald eagle against the melodic riff of an electric guitar.

In high school, I was the only one in my group of friends where not going to college wasn’t even something to entertain. Some of my friends never gave education another thought; some had babies way young; some went to school to become actors, doctors, and opera singers; and some just disappeared off the face of the earth.

Even if I had pressed my baba for some time off to think about what I wanted to do or study in school, my parents (and ameh and amoo and maman bozorg) were terrified that if I took this course of action, I’d surely never climb back on the horse and become an underachiever who never made it to college and spent her life never tapping into and harnessing her potential.

To them, college was the next and immediate step after graduating high school, and that’s where I could figure myself out and choose an appropriate academic course.

No other option.

As is my nature to play devil’s advocate for the sake of a holistic argument, I disagree with this viewpoint. I know many people who never went to college and are successful, but moreover, are happy and grateful for their stations in life and the experiences and struggles endured to make it there, despite no post-secondary education.

breakfast club

And though I disagree and think college is just oneway to success (and not even guaranteed, at that), I always knew I would go to college, whether it was of my own desire or having grown up in an environment where it’s expected of you.

I don’t feel as if I were forced into school—I always wanted to go. I’m just showcasing another end of the spectrum.

In Iranian culture, it isn’t a reality to not go to school. At bare minimum you get an undergraduate degree. Continue reading

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Will You Be My Pumpkin?

Hi joonams,

It’s harder for me to fake enthusiasm for Tuesdays (the day after Monday… the day that keeps me from getting to halfway through the week) than it is for me to fake orgasms, but you do what you have to do. And that’s just life. You live and you learn.

Not to sound too redundant here, but I’m super excited/SO PROUD of my Saaghi jooooon for getting her baby up and running this past weekend – have you checked it out yet?! SHOPJOON IS THE BESTEST.  I love it because personally, those shirts look sooo cute on me ;) More photos to come so hope you’re all ready! And if you’ve ordered a shirt – send us a photo wearing it because we definitely want to see our joonies sporting the goodies.

ANY-VAY, I’m slowly creeping up on my 2 year anniversary living in D.C. (next month yo), and the past few days it’s forced me to reflect a lot on what my expectations were when I first got here and how I’ve changed.

GOD I miss warm weather

GOD I miss warm weather

I met up with a new DC transplant this past weekend and he asked me, “Do you think DC has changed you?” And I didn’t even have to think twice about my answer:

Every city and state are different. And for me, wherever I’ve lived – I’ve had to grow stronger and taller – I had to adapt in order to survive.

I grew up in a sheltered bubble. My hometown has one high school, and it was the type of CALI-living town where you would go to Downtown and run into half of your high school. Leaving the house without makeup on was never an option because I would inevitably see someone I knew.

And Persians are all about their image – so there was no way I’d never look not cute (except for when I was going through puberty… good God).  At 18, I really thought I had figured it all out – the “secret to life.” No one could tell me what to do and I’d never been given an answer that I didn’t like.

But then I moved to L.A. and it was just one reality check after another. I was screwed over by people I trusted in a way that I’d never thought possible. And my instant reaction was to cry about it and hide in my studio apartment, afraid to show my face to the world. I thought something was wrong with me – and that’s why people hurt me.

Living in LA – I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to speak my mind when people hurt me, and I learned the importance of letting loose and having fun – with the right people. Continue reading

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What Comes Next?

JOONS,

It’s Shabeh Yalda – a night where we spend time with our loved ones, eating, drinking – and remembering to enjoy life. This is how Saaghi and I plan to celebrate Shabeh Yalda tonight - the longest night of the year - 

fessReally the best way to spend any night: stuffing our faces with fessenjoon. YUM.

All through college, all anyone ever told me was that my 20′s were going to be the best years of my life.  The years spent enjoying everything that is available to me, every opportunity, every change, and positive outcome. My 20′s were defined for me as the best that life was ever going to give me. 

And that’s how I always imagined it would be.  I expected to graduate from college and jump into a world of possibility, a world of hope and opportunity… where nothing felt out of reach.

I was determined.  I was excited for all the different things I would get to experience only because I was finally in my 20′s — the infamous decade where I get to be exactly who I want to be. And frankly, it sounded easy.  I felt like I would graduate and instantly, I’d be exactly where I wanted to be in my life.

lennonAnd then I finally graduated from college and instead of entering a world of possibilities… I was hit with confusion and fear.

Do I move home? Do I take this job that has nothing to do with what I want? What will my parents say if I get an unpaid internship?

Where do I go from here? Continue reading

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All-Star CockBlock

salaaam.

I’ve been so MIA. even though I apologized for it last week? I seem like those douchey guys I can’t get enough of …

Well, it hasn’t been all work and no play– that’s why there’s so much to catch you guys up on, like totally OMG! I had quite the weekend, but I need to collect my..uh..thoughts..before I post it all over the WWW.

tears of joy, i promise.

But a few weeks ago I had an epiphany– in the backseat of my car, high out of my mind with the only other PURRsian I can stand to get stoned with ;)

I am my own cockblock.

I am my own natural contraceptive, and I did not know this until the moment where I started really imagining what things looked like from the guy’s perspective– and of course, I could only do this if I was very high because my empathy usually only extends to women #sexism.

Maybe all of this will be “uh, duh!” for you all, but for me its kind of shocking:

1. You’re not Funny to someone who you have never met.

I never really hesitate to crack a joke, or a sarcastic remark– even if I have only met the guy for a few seconds. My logic isn’t “hide behind sarcasm”, its more– ooo there’s an opportunity, go for it! And I always assume people will get it, and even if they don’t…maybe they’ll find it endearing?

Nope.

image

Like when I tell a guy my voice sounds like a cow dying?  Hahaa?

My quick “seize the moment” reflex doesn’t always make sense to the other person and I realize now I can quickly go from “girl I’m trying to get to know” to “uh, girl just got weird on me”.

Jokes usually need context, or a little backstory. Especially via email, text, fbook– so much sarcasm and “wit” and “humor” gets lost in translation. Continue reading

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