Filed under Torshideh and Desperate …

Jul 12 2012
Leave a comment
Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Muslim Girl, Persian Dad, Shut the Front Door, Torshideh and Desperate

I Dated My Dad

JOONS:

It’s true… I dated my father– but not in the way you think (don’t be gross).  NOT literally.

We’ve all heard this before:

Girls always end up with someone like their father and boys end up with someone like their mother.

And if they’re Persian boys– it only makes sense.  They’re going to be attracted to someone who will nurture and care for their doodooltala-ness (let’s be real).

My dad never really cared for the guys I brought home.  He was always nice to them (aka never had any guns attached to his waist), but he never connected with on a personal level — he was never excited to hang out with them.

Then again, I haven’t given him much material to work with.  My dating history is as bad as the sour milk still in the fridge.  I’ve dated anyTHING from a cheating loser to a dependent bacheh (child) who couldn’t go down the escalator without holding my hand (THERE’S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE PERSON PER STEP).

Continue reading →

About these ads
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 08 2012
7 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate

I’m Burning

Hey joonies, 

We have a special post from one of our favorite guest bloggers today- you might remember her from past HILARIOUS posts, DOOZY FAB.  She’s best known for telling men to “manscape” and calling random girls out for being hoe-ish.  You can check out her OWN blog at www.doozyfab.com. 

Doozy’s at it again!  Enjoyyy and let her know what you think in the comments section: 

“Besooz me once, shame on you.  Besooz me twice, shame on me.” 

Pesars: Read at your own risk.  You’ll probably get offended.

Dokhtars:  This really is for your own good.

Here’s a little “kabob for thought:”

“I’ll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.”

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , ,
Jul 02 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Give it to me, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Persian Dad, Torshideh and Desperate

Where’s Your Boyfriend At?

Happy Monday!

We have a guest post from a very frustrated young reader, who can’t seem to get her Persian family to understand the concept of “My Dating Life is Personal, Stop Talking about it over Ghormeh Sabzi“. 

Enjoy!

image

For the most part, middle easterners like to embrace extremes; there really is no middle ground. Take dating for example: somewhere between high school and college, parents go from “You vill NEVER e-speak to a boy” to “Where the –hell- are your khastegars (suitors)?” Who knows, maybe there is mental shift somewhere near the 20th birthday of their daughters, but parents tend to get crazy and suddenly start taking a little TOO much interest in dating life.

My first Thanksgiving back from college, my grandmother and great aunt sat me down for a serious conversation.

This consisted of the most uncomfortable hour of my life, where the serious matter of my lack of dating life was discussed: I was given tips on how to make men interested in me, and want to marry me.

image

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Jun 29 2012
6 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate, Weekend Winning

Get it In With: Persian Girls

Hola Joonies,

It is finally the weekend. & while you may not have specific plans to go out and ‘rage’, if you’re smart– you’ll have a booty call on speed dial because it is starting to be a really hot summer.

I don’t know what it is about the high temperatures that drives up people’s sexual desires. You would think that you’d want to avoid getting all sticky and sweaty…

Anyway, summer is mating season for us homo-sapiens.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , ,
Jun 19 2012
3 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Torshideh and Desperate, What your momma didn't tell you

If I Was Your Boyfriend

Hi joonjoons,

I’ve had an interesting week… to say the least (F#ck, it’s only Tuesday).  I’ve been catching up with some old college friends and it’s been a little disappointing.

Let me recap.

One of my friends has been calling me a lot recently- during work hours, late at night (I’m three hours ahead yo- don’t forget that sh*t), all day err day.  I finally had a chance to call her back to make sure everything was okay.

When your friend is calling you that excessively, it’s usually because someone DIED.

Luckily, that was not the case.  Instead, she had to gush all about her new relationship, which hey- that’s awesome.

I’m all for supporting my friends no matter what crazy shit they get into.

But please don’t call me in the middle of the night about it- just saying.  I don’t enjoy being woken up, especially when you’re trying to obsess about how much you love some guy I’ve never heard you talk about.

Halfway through the conversation, my friend says: “I just love him so much.”

“Umm you mean like his personality or actually love him?”

“No, I really love him.”

Oh, did I mention that they’ve been together for three weeks?

I consider “love” to be a pretty serious emotion and so when I hear someone who claims to be “IN love,” I imagine that they’ve probably established a solid foundation to their relationship.

Call me crazy, but I personally don’t believe that it is possible to be in love after being with someone for less than a month.

You might think it’s love, but really, it’s excitement/overstimulation aka LUST.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Jun 11 2012
Leave a comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Fetish, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate, What your momma didn't tell you

Jungle Fever > Baby Fever

JOONIEEEES.

Happy Monday!  I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am to start the week.  No really, for once I’m not hating on Monday because T-4 days till the weekend baby!

Anyway, I know here at S&F, we talk a lot about Persian parents and obviously sex.  But I’m over it.  I’ve decided no more sex for me… and no more parents…

Lies… where would I be without my crazy parents and crazy sex?   Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Jun 01 2012
Leave a comment
Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Joon, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, Shitshows, Torshideh and Desperate, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

The Club Can’t Handle This Right Now.

salaaam joonies,

today’s post is all about the dark side of being persian– and I’m getting straight to de point.

For some this will be necessary, for others irrelevant. But I promise it is entertaining nonetheless, so LEGGOOO

Persian Club Etiquette For Dummies.

Introduction:

Let me break it down. I know that how much fun you have at clubs is inversely related to how many times you go clubbing. Especially if you start before you hit the legal age, the big 2-1 (eff 18+ nights! #sorryboutit) The earlier you start, the more jaded you get. But aside from that, this is fact:

I can’t count how many times I’ve been clubbing, but I can count how many time’s I’ve enjoyed it.

(Ibiza takes the cake FOSHO)

I go to clubs for music, and dancing– there is nothing better than seeing your favorite DJ play a live set. But for some Persians, clubbing is a different ball game. They ruin it for the rest of us, but if you by chance want to join their ranks– here’s a few lessons.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
May 30 2012
12 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Shut the Front Door, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Will You Marry Me?

JOOOOOONSSS.

What’s up azizams.  Shit’s about to get real tonight… well kind of.  I’m going for some major honesty right now and I’m hoping you can understand.

I was at a friend’s barbecue a few weeks ago- My girlfriend and I were the only two people there that weren’t in “a couple.”  And there’s nothing wrong with that– in fact, half of my friends from college are married (scary right) and I have no problem with it.  Until… someone “pities” me for it.

get a room

At the BBQ, everyone else started sharing stories of how they met (over it) until one girl interrupts and says, “Guys, let’s stop– Farrah and X aren’t in a couple, this is uncomfortable for them.” (paraphrasing).

Excuse me?  Since when is your stupid ass story about how you fell into your boyfriend’s lap “uncomfortable” for me?  It might be boring and redundant… but I am by no means uncomfortable with a person’s relationship just because I am single.  If that were the case, then my best friend from college and I would have NOTHING to talk about anymore.

Furthermore, why is it that people automatically ASSUME we are single because we can’t get a boyfriend?

Since when is it “ignored” that we are single because we choose to be?

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , ,
May 02 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Persian Dad, Torshideh and Desperate

I Want To Taste All The Colors of the Rainbow

Hey joonies,

I feel the need to start this post off by really showcasing my stupidity.  Being lazy at work now that my project wrapped up is one thing, but eating expired yogurt takes on a whole new level of dumbass-ness.  Whatever, you live and you learn.  Make sure you always check your shit.

I had an epiphany the other day.  I always make this huge deal about how I never do what my parents tell me and I always make an effort to choose the other path (click here) and then I suddenly realized that when it comes to dating…

My parents have me wrapped around their Persian-manipulative fingers.

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 15 2012
Leave a comment
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Shitshows, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Ain’t Fun if Your Homies Can’t Get Some

Hi JOONAMS,

I just want to start off by saying whoever decided that spring break wasn’t for adults was on some serious CRACK.

Moving on… (at least TRYING to).

I’ve mentioned this before, but when it comes to making friends, Persian girls are a tough crowd. We’re not friends with just anyone and we’re quick to hate on any girl that steps out of line.

Persian girls are firm believers in natural selection. We hate so that you become a better person.

It’s really for your own good.  We care about you that much. 

It takes us awhile to accept someone into our inner circle and according to any Persian girl, we are friends with the best of the best.

Persian girls know all

But here is where we go wrong: when it comes to our men screwing up, we are quick to punish the girl before even considering hating on our man of the hour.

*This applies to women of ALL races- whether they’re black, Asian, white, etc.

We only hate on the “bitch who stole our man.”  How does that make sense when there are two consenting adults backstabbing like they actually have the right to?

Continue reading →

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 670 other followers

%d bloggers like this: