Tag Archives: dating

Check, Please!

The other day I was sitting with a friend of mine who was telling me about a date she’d just been on. I asked her if the guy paid, and she said “oh no, OF COURSE. If he hadn’t, it would’ve been over for sure!

Later I went back and thought about that: both about me asking that question, and about her clear reply.

I’d asked the question when we were discussing whether he was worth going on another date with. Both my question and her reply show how important a guy paying on a first date was to both of us. But how feminist is that?

In the world we live in today, we want full feminism but a lot of us also seem to still want men to be ‘gentlemen’.

 league

We want them to pay when we go out, to take care of us, to open doors, to be on top of things. So there’s always this contradiction.

We want women to be equal to men, but we still want men to do things that are now seen as patriarchal.   Continue reading

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Newton’s Third Law of Motion

Hola,

After reading Holly’s last post “Do I have it all?  I was really inspired to self-reflect on my own view of marriage, relationships, and career aspirations. Exactly one year ago, I would have read that post–with my very favorite Lady Gaga quote — and I would’ve been raising my hand, sayin’ “Preach girl!. Dreams over D’s anyday.  Now, I’m not so sure I’m a believer.

After watching a lot of The Big Bang Theory, I think I’ve found a scientific way to express myself (Note: I almost failed Physics in high schoo) Remember Newton’s Laws of Motion?  I only remember one.

“For Every Action There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction”

And while this is true with everything that feels the pull of gravity, it is actually completely false in the world of relationships.  Part of that is obvious– if you love your man, chances are he doesn’t hate you back.

But the point is, you can love someone, and they may not love you back equally. They may not love you at all.

See how that violates physics? It is counter-intuitive, and completely out of our control. It is as if you pushed a door in, but the door pushed back with double the force– or with none at all (in both cases, you would be injured). I wish my boyfriend would like me as much as I like him, but chances are the perfect state of equilibrium… does not exist. And that is scary, and it makes both people vulnerable. 

I think women fear the inequality that’s inevitable with emotional reciprocity.

Its a mouthful, and it may not even make sense but let me break it down:

I don’t think women fear waking up to a man that doesn’t love them anymore. They fear waking up to a partner that does not feel the same way. And the knowledge that they can’t do anything about it.

A pink slip at work will never feel like the moment someone says, “I’m not in love with you”, and since that is true, a professional goal can never heal a personal injury.  Continue reading

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Make Me Submissive, Baby

Happy Monday = R.I.P weekend

It was Superbowl weekend, and even though Niners lost– it was probably the best football game I’ve ever watched.

Jim Harbaugh proved that I have more in common with an NFL coach than I thought possible.

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So this post is partially an ode to Jim Harbaugh, who perfectly embodies the frustrated and helpless younger sibling in all of us.

In an earlier post, Farrah Joon talked about her take on dominating in the bedroom…and how it’s a lot better, when the guy takes control.  And to borrow a quote from the lovely lady that I think described her point definition of “DOMINATING”:

“HE TOOK CONTROL AND HE GAVE IT TO ME THE WAY HE KNEW I WOULD LIKE IT.” - Fifty Shades of Joon

And really, its true…while it may vary from girl to girl, almost all women like it when the man exercises some control. And without passing judgment, I have to ask:

Why? Why do we like it when a man plays the Dominant to our Submissive?

The ‘S’ word may be a dirty one, but deep down, every bad b*tch wants an equally (or more) powerful male to pin her down and give it to her good. Continue reading

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If All Else Fails, PLAN B.

Hello hello,

A freshly waxed Saaghi is writing to you. Kinda has me singing nails done, hair done..oh you fancy huh?

Its been a big weekend — SHOP JOON is up.

Get your #JOON game on:

sex&joon

sex&joon

Have you noticed that I (Saaghi) haven’t blogged about sex in awhile? Or did you guys think I had somehow transformed into an asexual being…?

Well, joonies, I’ve been having lots of sex…with only one person. (Uh oh, you know what that means…) And as amazingly wonderful as the sex is, we recently hit something kind of like a hurdle…

A Broken Condom.

Or should I say a torn condom? Idk, whatever its called…it happened. and Bad news is, I’m not on birth control.

In fact, I’ve never been on birth control. While most of my friends started before they were even sexually active (for various other reasons), I never really needed to be on it. My skin was fine, my periods were regular, and I guess my hormones have always had their act together. And its a blessing because I don’t think I could really remember to take a pill everyday, no matter if I know how bad the consequences could be.

And when I did become sexually active, I tried to make sure the guy wrapped it up before anything happened. The first time I visited the gyno, she lectured me on all the different forms of Birth Control (BC) and how “just a condom” was still a risk. I just nodded, smiled, and threw the brochure away…

Maybe I’m ignorant but somehow, I don’t like the idea of putting hormones in my body and getting all crazy. Yet, am I fighting the inevitable? Continue reading

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Help A Sista Out!

Hey joonies,

Every so often – we get emails asking for advice or our opinion on a certain situation.  Of course, this makes us feel great as sex wizards but — we don’t always have the answer. A lot of times, we are still trying to figure out our own love lives and the best advice we can offer is what we’ve learned through our own experiences.

With that said, we received an email recently asking us for very specific advice. And because we aren’t really sex wizards, we decided to open up the floor to our joonieshelp a sista out:

Do Persian men ever marry non-Persian women?

Especially black women.

whatevs

I am talking about a non-Muslim (he’s Baha’i), Iran born, USA raised man.

Or do they only date people from another ethnicity with no intention of  ever marrying them?

Background: I’ve known and been involved with him for about two and a half years.  I’ve never met his family — who he lives with. I’ve asked him to be straight with me: is it because I am not Persian or the same religion? He claims no. He says that it’s because once you meet them – then all the floodgates will open and his parents will keep asking when we are going to get married and have kids. I countered that by saying we will just have to explain to his parents that we are not ready for all of that yet especially, financially. To which he said that reasoning will fall on deaf ears.

So ladies, what do you think? Am I barking up the wrong tree with all Persian and Middle Eastern men? Clearly, some of them do marry outside of their race — shout out to Tehran SOParvaz. But, are the odds not in my favor?   Continue reading

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I’ll Have Seconds… And Thirds

Joonies,

I slept until 3 pm today.  Yeah… that’s right – I slept for over 12 hours and I was disgusted with myself for doing that.  So I went to the gym to make up for it – and rewarded myself with a nice big dinner.  Naturally. Well-played Sunday if you ask me.

I had a good weekend – spent it with friends – we went out to a fancy bar (oxymoron) last night and just spent the night dancing, flirting with boys (me), and … then me watching them make out with their boyfriends. Riveting.

I’m really lucky with my group of friends – they’re sweet, caring, always there for each other, good cooks (obviously that’s on my list of criteria), and we all have different types when it comes to guys… for the most part.

I like Persian, and they like everything else – which is a blessing because if that wasn’t the case, we would have a hard time meeting the “Girl Code.”

Girl Code: Never hook up with a friend’s ex-boyfriend/fling.

And I’m a big believer in that. I think friends are more important than getting fancy with a guy that they used to date… and frankly, there are enough fish in the sea where there just shouldn’t be an overlap.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable if my close friend was f#cking my ex – not because of “principle,” but because… that’s just weird if your friend dates someone you have history with.

no

Think about it – when you’re in a relationship, you share a certain degree of intimacy with your significant other.  Not just sex, but the emotions that sometimes come with it. How would you feel if your friend was sharing that same feeling with someone that made you feel a certain way?

I will never date someone my friend once did — not because it’s wrong, but because it brings awkwardness to a whole new level. Continue reading

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Keep Your Man and His Hands to Yourself

Happy Friday!  When it comes to a relationship — some of us just can’t handle being alone (wtfff…).  Check out our guest post this week — she’s not having that nonsense. TGIF! 

Joonies, I have a bone to pick with:

girls who can’t keep their men and boys who can’t keep it in their pants.

You know who I’m talking about, we’ve all seen them, have been friends with them, and yes, we’ve all talked behind their backs… I’m talking about the girl who thinks she’s got a great man and she’s latching on to him for dear life.

And the kind of guy that wants his girl to be around as he fucks up over and over, because aside from being a douchebag he has “the package”. (the mohandes, Doctore, lawyer, blablabla). Don’t get me wrong, I like a guy with “the package” (and a package, if you know what I mean) as much as the next girl but when your relationship becomes so toxic that it starts to fuck with your sanity, then you just need to stop, drop everything and just GET OUT. At the end of the day though, people do what they want– sticking around, taking it–and its really of no consequence to me… usually.

but then there are those girls who can’t deal with their own insecurity, especially when their man’s wandering eye lands on you. Continue reading

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Not thug life, but the Double Life.

Happy Tuezday.

Here’s something that made my week: the fact that my friends want me to dress up as Bert for Halloween. My question is,

Which Persian girl puts on a unibrow, voluntarily?

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I thought bad eyebrows were like bad noses, you get rid of them and deny deny deny you ever had one? Or is the UNI in now? Someone fill me in.

Anyway, my grandparents were in town for awhile, all the way from eeRAN, and aside from lots of lavashak and pistachios, they bring a suitcase full of “Naseehat” (guidance from elders).

The problem with that is, I hate NASEEHAT. I’m comfortable enough with my parents to stop them before they get ahead with all their ‘guidance’ lectures–’Dad, the decibel level of your voice annoys me‘. But with my grandparents, I can’t be so direct. I have to swallow my pride, and smile, and nod–as if I’m actually going to take what they say into consideration.

Do you see how immature and stubborn I am?

But, in my defense, as I’ve… aged… I’ve gotten better at identifiying the ‘GOOD Naseehat‘ from the ‘OBNOXIOUS Naseehat’. Especially now that I’m out on my own, with my own bills and finances and Adult-ness,

I know I can’t learn everything the hard way– cause if I do, it’ll end with bad credit, a mug shot, and an ‘I TOLD YOU SO’. Continue reading

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Ayo, I’m tired of using Technology

Good morning.

Its technically my morning, because its 3:19 am, and I canNOT sleep. Blame it on the alcohol, that’s what I get for pounding those double-shot margaritas after work.

Drinking in college is for Fun. Drinking after work is for Sanity.

(of course i dont look this fab @ happy hour)

So what you do when you have alcohol-induced insomnia is try to load up on drunk food so you can fall into a carb-induced coma, but since my cabinets are empty and i only have some KALE in the fridge (who was I kidding when I went grocery shopping?)– I had to turn on the TV. and instead of turning on C-SPAN, I watched Sex and the City– SEASON ONE episodes.

& it provided me with some blogging inspiration: The evolution of technology, and how within 10 years– everything has changed. For better, or for worse.

There was a scene in the episode where Carrie and Big run into each other unexpectedly– though they’re in a relationship, and then casually say goodbye. In that moment, it hit me– neither of the two is exactly sure where the other is going, what they’ll be up to, and when they’ll see each other again.

Updates on status had to be given via a land line phone. Which means you had to be home. not mobile.

Or if Carrie had a moment of crisis (which she does in most episodes), she would have to wait until she got home, got to a payphone, so she could catch one of the girls at home, or in their office– tot talk it through. Or she could leave it for Sunday Brunch.

And to think that land lines and pagers and payphone were within my lifetime…well, it blows my mind.

THen it all hit me,

Technology has redefined personal space.  And our love lives. Continue reading

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Love, or Something Like It.

Hello there,

It feels like this week is dragging, am I the only one who feels like it should be Thursday? Overall, this week has been so blah minus the one highlight: a painless Brazilian wax.

Yes, I am now numb to the what used to feel like a harsh spanking (unless you’re into that #nojudgement) .

Besides these small little discoveries, there is not much else that seems to go on in my life.  I work, eat, blog, sleep. And repeat.  There used to be a big block in my schedule for my METH (my girlfriends), but that space no longer exists. I’ve been forced into withdrawal and like any addict, for awhile, I didn’t know what Rehab to check into?

Turns out, I didn’t get into the Betty Ford Center– I got  the 14 Hour Workdays to Sobriety Program.

So without meth, and without sex, I’ve been thinking a lot about…Love.

Let me give you some background on what L-O-V-E means to me. (and when I say love, I mean anything from strong crush–eternal love) Do you know what my favorite movie was from the 90s? #blastfromthepast

Yeah, 10 things I hate about you. If there was ever a love story I would love to live, that would be the one– not cause its Shakespeare, and not cause its Heath Ledger, but because Cynical-Feminist meets Dangerous BadA$$ and then writes him a poem about how much she hates everything about him (which is code for I love you). Watch the scene below:

If Love was a man, that is the poem I’d read for him, before storming out. Continue reading

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