Tag Archives: dating

Sep 27 2012
4 Comments
Joon, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Here’s my Number, Call me…Maybe?

JOONS.

There’s been a lot of politic and office blabber as of late– and we all know you joonies bookmark this blog for some sexytime.

Unfortunately, the problem with committing to being a sex blogger is that you have to have sex. And while I’m missing some action in my life right now, I’ve been blessed with some variety in the past because, wouldn’t it be boring if an S&F blogger had sex with only one person?

Wait, scratch that—Wouldn’t it be boring if anyone had sex with only one person?

One is too little. How many is too many?

(or as BiBi would say, where’s the red line?)

Obviously there’s no number that works for everyone, but for the average person of this generation, keeping the number low is going to be difficult– considering people get into relationships at a SNAIL’s PACE.

And we all have needs.

But then again, we all have self-control too.

What an internal battle, huh? And then (if it applies) add the whole “Persian girl stuck in an image conscious culture” element, and BAM, you have a serious number complex.

And I’ve done my fair share of research, asking guys I know from all different backgrounds,

“Would you care about a girl’s number?“

and a lot of them are very PC with their answer, but if you keep prying, they’ll say

“Well, I wouldn’t ask…but if its high then I mean..you think something’s up…“

“If its been with guys she was serious with, then it’s fine” 

“I mean as long as its not crazy like 25 or something”

Most of them said this, and I was thinking

“So you’re probably pro-abortion, but you kinda still wanna tell me what to do with my body?” Continue reading →

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Sep 16 2012
2 Comments
Douche of the Week, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Shitshows, What the F

It Really Hurt When I Fell From Heaven

JOONS.

It’s Sunday night.  By the time I finish writing this post, I have to get ready for work tomorrow, so excuse me while I take my time.

This post is for the boys though I’m certain the ladies will definitely have some input on this one so please don’t be shy.

I don’t know if it’s because the humidity has stopped and I’m not sweating through the day anymore or WHATthef#ck is in the air these days, but I’ve been getting a little more attention than normal lately.  It’s probably because all the less psycho girls are taken- NOT that I like to complain about getting hit on… but it’s a bit much.

Especially when guys use lines like…

“Are you a model?”

Um I’m 5’3″ bitch, thanks for rubbing it in.

Just another day in MY life (clearly)

Look I get it… dating is hard and you have to be creative when it comes to meeting people.  And sure, sometimes its nerve-wracking to think of something witty to say to get the girl’s attention.

I understand the pressure guys have to deal with if they want to approach a random girl (just be happy you don’t have to give birth). Continue reading →

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Sep 11 2012
1 Comment
Joon, Saaghi, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Yeah, She’s D for D.

ayy JOONAMS

Hope we made the early week a little more bearable  for you guys with a little humor on the tumbLOLr (tumble here).  As for myself, I’ve been putting this song on REPEAT…mourning over the fun/careless summer I never had #firstworldproblems #momoneymoproblems

hit play if you feel like your summer was unjustly cut short, too.

Do you know what’s great about speaking another language a.k.a Persian/Farsi?

The sh!t talking.

Yes, we’re all guilty of being mean in our mother tongue. It’s a privilege we use and abuse.

And its not just Iranians– anyone with the advantage of a second language can and does do it. I swear my nail lady is always talking smack about me in a voice that’s barely above a whisper.  However, for my friends and I- Farsi doesn’t cut it anymore.

In California: Talk Shit, Get Hit. Especially if its in Persian. The chance that someone in the room understands you is more than 50%, and the chance that you’re talking about a Persian is even higher.

So when all else fails, we use acronyms. And this was a long-winded introduction for our most meaningful one yet:

D for D = Desperate for D!CK Continue reading →

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Sep 09 2012
1 Comment
Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, What your momma didn't tell you

Riding In Cars With Boys

JOONIES:

It’s official- summer is ending.  I haven’t really felt any humidity for a few days, the AC is officially off… not that I’m a fan of humidity or anything, but is it just me or did this summer go by REALLY FAST?

Now I have to prepare for snow and freezing cold weather- we all know how well that will turn out #CaliGirlForLife.  Bring on the face masks.

At least it’s pretty

When I was younger… before the drama hit the fan and I had to assume a shit ton of responsibility and act like a parent… my mom and I had a very special relationship.

She would excuse me from class so that we could have mother/daughter days.  She used to take me shopping on a biweekly basis.  We would sit and talk for hours about everything going on in my life- I would confide in her about boys, friends, my secrets (not relating to sex OBVS).

My mom was the first person I would tell if I had a new boyfriend.  Of course, our “sharing” had guidelines.

1.  Never ever tell her if I had hooked up/given head/made out shamelessly in my high school boyfriend’s car.

2.  NEVER admit to ditching class as much as I did.

3. And most importantly, never show any weakness if a boyfriend broke up with me and I was sad AKA NO CRYING.

THAT was non-negotiable– because to her, crying over a boy was as bad as killing someone. Continue reading →

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Sep 03 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Shitshows, What the F

Love Me Not

JOONAMS.

T-4 till Friday– have you noticed how the beginning of almost ALL my posts start with the mention of Friday? That’s because Friday is fun-day and it is my life.

If you guys have been following us for awhile, then you’ve probably learned a thing or two about me.  1.  I moved far far away from my family.  2.  I have a slight phobia when it comes to commitment (click here). 

I think I’ve exhausted the topic of my family a bit– no more funny stories left, now just the pain, sweat and tears that follow an Iranian upbringing.  But that’s irrelevant for tonight’s topic.

I’ve always been someone who has to have control, who’s not willing to compromise and who’s biggest fear is vulnerability.

Clearly, I’m not as mature as I thought

Continue reading →

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Sep 02 2012
2 Comments
Fetish, Joon, Last Night, Saaghi

& The Oscar Goes To…

Hello Joonies,

Happy Labor Day Weekend: a holiday that’s lost its historical significance, but we shop and party hard for it anyway.

As for myself, I didn’t really shop (that’s a lie, I’m an addict) or party– but I did think about sex a lot. Because I haven’t been having any…and while that’s a tragic topic on its own, I was thinking more about

Faking Orgasms.

I know it seems I’m getting a little ahead of myself since I have no one to fake it with, but that’s exactly why I wanted to write about this. Sex and Orgasms have become two very different dry spells:

 I’ve been having real O’s courtesy of my little friend — and I can have it whenever, wherever (no, not at work). With sex, its not as convenient, and definitely not as much of a guarantee.  Here comes the earth-shattering fact of the day: Not every woman orgasms from sex..every time.

While for every girl that may seem like old news, there are a lot of guys who think “but she’s never been with me”. Especially Persian doodool-talas. I mean, it is made of gold…

Every persian guy thinks he’s going to be the golden doodool to rock your world.

Continue reading →

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Aug 29 2012
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Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Joon, Saaghi, Shitshows, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Bringing Sexy Back

JOONIES.

So today I found out– that it’s not me, it’s my oven. It doesn’t work and so instead of starving I decided to order pizza. After which I had the realization, I don’t think any man comes close to the way I feel about Stuffed Crust Pizza.

The best sex or Stuffed Crust Pizza? You know, in all honesty, I’d hesitate on that one.

As you can tell, I’m multi-tasking today, blogging/stuffing my face.

So in a topic completely un-related, I want to talk about…SEXY.

A while ago, I asked what it meant to be, like, really deep? And you know, SEXY is also an ambiguous term. Is it Kate Upton on the cover of  GQ? or is it one of those days when you wake up and decide you kick ass?

Is it Cleavage or Confidence?

To tell you the truth, it’s probably a bit of both. Sexy, like other things, is in the eye of the beholder.

Some guys I talk to think sexy is their girlfriend after an intense work, and some girls think nothing is sexier than guy with ambition.

The only real truth about sex appeal is that it is universal.

As a woman (because that’s the only perspective I can speak from, although I wish I could be a sexy man for a day) I think sex appeal is a dangerous game to play. Now, I’m not a bra-burning feminist– and I’m definitely nobody’s mother. But the other day, I was at a frat party– I’m too old to be going to those– and I was pretty shocked at what I saw.

Girls in lace bras, see through shirts, booty shorts, skirts, and sky high heels– roaming around a house that smells like beer trying to find a boy to hang onto. This is old news, and I am not saying I was above this scene when I was in school–

I don’t care if they have sex with random frat boys, or they drink til they pass out (I mean I care, but really…we’ve all been there). But I kind of cared that all of them seemed so insecure.

But for the first time (sober), when I looked at these young freshmen girls I saw them for what they really were: little kids playing dress-up, uncomfortable in their skin, and really just trying to be desired. For them, the frat guys validated their sex appeal. Continue reading →

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Aug 21 2012
11 Comments
Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon, Torshideh and Desperate, What the F

Something I Never Want to be a Part Of

Joons,

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a guest post and we all know you get a little tired of us from time to time– plus, there’s only so much sex we can have… at once… (joke).  Please meet Holly Dagres- Iranian American- Aslan Media Columnist- Researcher for Cairo Review- World Traveler- Bad Ass of All Things Middle East – this list could really go on for an entire post so check out her website (click here).  

Joonies, I like to pride myself on being an Iranian-American with having the unique opportunity to grow up in Iran during my teenage years. It’s definitely given me a nuanced perspective of things people don’t often look profoundly into. Coming from divorced parents, the idea of marriage has always been approached with caution. It’s no wonder that when the topic of “khastegaris” (marriage proposals) comes up, I tend to cringe at how simple people choose their significant others.

Ever since I could remember, I’ve had mothers running up to me on street corners, asking if I had not wed yet. This is just based off of my not so Iranian features, which consists of fair skin (you’ll learn why that’s important in a moment).

Then there was the one neighbor who offered my mother a ‘business deal’– my hand in marriage for her son.

Continue reading →

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Aug 08 2012
1 Comment
Flavor of the Week, Joon, Saaghi, Uncategorized, What the F

But You’re Like Really Deep.

JOONZ

do you know I’ve never spelled it that way?

I’ve been feeling uninspired lately. My life’s gone from 150mph to a slow turtle’s pace. (oK , I’m done with the pity party I swear)– and so I have..different material to work with–what that means for you guys is blog posts that are less sex, more JOON.

because I even forgot to bring my little friend to my new place.  (Let’s see how long I can hold out on this one.

Just so we’re clear. This post isn’t an ODE to mY loneliness POST, and  this post is NOT about me hating on Persian men– which is code for: DONE BEING SINGLE, SWOOP ME UP DOODOOL TALA!   just keeding.

its about depth. and depth-y people (I just created that adjective).

& Just to set the mood, I feel deep when I listen to this song:

SO wtf do we mean, when we say someone’s “really deep”?

Does it mean they’re spiritual? They recite cryptic poetry? Or that they’ve been through a lot of crazy sh!t in their life?

And how do you measure this “Depth”? cause clearly, humans aren’t actual swimming pools.

Although I wish people would have some sort of obvious marker for safety purposes– like “7 feet”, “5 1/2 feet”, “WADING POOL”.

Continue reading →

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Jul 13 2012
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Divooneh Bitches, Joon, Saaghi, Shitshows, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

What College Taught Me About Sex

Joonies, for those of you in college/going to college—I know you’re looking forward to the stellar academic opportunities coming your way. I mean which Persian family lets their kids go to a party school anyway? Pshhtttt..

But realistically, whether you decide to keep your head in the books or rage from Margarita Mondays to SundayFundays – you’re going to have to deal with sex in college. Directly or indirectly because your roommate keeps kicking you out with a post-it on the door.

There are a few lessons you learn only after you’ve become a seasoned college student with a penchant for self-pity. Lucky for you guys, I’m not only seasoned, I’m fully marinated.

Continue reading →

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