Tag Archives: having sex

Feb 04 2013
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Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Saaghi, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Make Me Submissive, Baby

Happy Monday = R.I.P weekend

It was Superbowl weekend, and even though Niners lost– it was probably the best football game I’ve ever watched.

Jim Harbaugh proved that I have more in common with an NFL coach than I thought possible.

image

So this post is partially an ode to Jim Harbaugh, who perfectly embodies the frustrated and helpless younger sibling in all of us.

In an earlier post, Farrah Joon talked about her take on dominating in the bedroom…and how it’s a lot better, when the guy takes control.  And to borrow a quote from the lovely lady that I think described her point definition of “DOMINATING”:

“HE TOOK CONTROL AND HE GAVE IT TO ME THE WAY HE KNEW I WOULD LIKE IT.” - Fifty Shades of Joon

And really, its true…while it may vary from girl to girl, almost all women like it when the man exercises some control. And without passing judgment, I have to ask:

Why? Why do we like it when a man plays the Dominant to our Submissive?

The ‘S’ word may be a dirty one, but deep down, every bad b*tch wants an equally (or more) powerful male to pin her down and give it to her good. Continue reading →

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Jan 11 2013
1 Comment
Fetish, Give it to me, Joon, Saaghi, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

I Kissed A Boy and I Hated It.

HAPPY FRIDAY! AKA FREEDAY!

Fridays are the best days of the week, because its usually an easy day at work (its casual in every sense of the word), people are in better moods… and I can sit at my desk, stare at my computer and just contemplate LIFE.

or penguins.

penguin

Today, I was thinking about Kissing.

Because before there was Sex & Fessenjoon, there was BOOS & Fessenjoon.

No one hits a home run without at least going for first base. (question: is kissing still first base?) And so much of intimacy really is… boos boosing, or making out, OR frenching, or whatever you want to call it. A lot of people remember their first kiss and for some, it was with someone they really liked.

For me, I don’t really remember or attach that much significance to the first kiss. It happened much later for me, at the end of high school, but I’m really hazy on the exact way it happened and if there was tongue involved or not? There were no fireworks or sparks, I assure you.  But I will tell you joonies this, ever since I started kissing, I haven’t wanted to stop.

Unless you’re a bad kisser, in which case we call that a #DEALBREAKER.

deal

A good kiss can really turn you on, and it can make you a memorable hook up. A bad kiss will make the other person run for the hills– no matter how hot you are, or how great your personality is. There is no set formula on how to be a good kisser, but there are some common DO’s and common DON’T's. Continue reading →

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Jan 08 2013
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Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT

I Do It And It Feels Good

Hey joonies,

I feel like it’s been awhile — hasn’t it? i miss you all. Sitting here… cold… knowing that I should really go to the gym tonight. The gym is what allows me to eat the ridiculous way that I do. Cake, burgers, you name it.

slutty

Motivation #leggo

I spent most of my vacation being lazy and watching random TV shows – Downton Abbey, Blue Mountain State, and the infamous Dawson’s Creek (Dawson is such a pain).  Anyway, watching Dawson’s Creek just reminds me of high school … and how different my life was compared to them.

In high school, I wasn’t the top student… or the most devoted. I cut class – not to do anything fun in particular, but just because I had no hos. It’s funny how things change when you grow up.

And I definitely wasn’t what some people would consider “innocent.” Virgin or not – I still made it through third base by the time I was 16 - what’s considered for some people = normal. 

And watching Dawson’s Creek (don’t judge me) - these kids are 15 and they’re having their first kiss.  It makes me wonder…

Are you ever too young to have sex?

The answer might seem obvious to some – but when I was 15-16, I thought I was old enough to do these things and even more so, I was curious about it.  I wanted to know what the hype was about and frankly, I was growing up – experimenting.

use it

Looking back now, I think 16 is so young and when I think about how I felt doing it then — it was weird. Nothing ever really felt good… it just felt different and I remember thinking either “ow” or “this is uncomfortable.” 

It took a long time for messing around to actually stop feeling foreign and start feeling real. Continue reading →

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Dec 03 2012
18 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, What the F

My DooDool Is Made of Gold

Hey Joonies,

It’s been a long day.  I’m tired. I just went on a cleaning rampage and now I feel like my entire body reeks of bleach. But shit needs to get done – ya feel me?

All I want to do tonight is relax and laugh.  

I’m going to pretend like I wasn’t planning to go for a run tonight – ugh why is running so hard? Better question is, why is it so much easier to eat something like this:

cupcakwe

Bomb

My type in food is … NO DISCRIMINATION – I love it all – minus the weird stuff, like cow tongue, cow BALLS, kalehpacheh, and all the weird shit our culture claims is okay to eat.

When it comes to dating, my type is starting to become more of a disappointment/ball buster than a night well spent.

I have a tendency to go for the unemployed, douchey, mama’s boys.

I’m not really sure what the appeal is in that — wish I could say that they’re really packing it (if ya know what I mean). But the reality is they’re equally lacking in that area.

#khaktosarem / #mommyissues?

Men who don’t have a lot to offer have a tendency to overcompensate in an effort to hide their true colors until you’re hooked. Continue reading →

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Nov 30 2012
1 Comment
Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, Uncategorized, Weekend Winning, What your momma didn't tell you

Persian Girl Gone Wild.

Saaghi here. Its hard to follow after Maz/Jimmy Vestvood, but I’m going to try.

I worked an 18 hour day yesterday, and so tonight, I came home and got high. Loner stoner is not my usual thing- actually never–but Ive discovered  a new level stress thanks to my job. Its even giving me bad dreams, like last night–

I had a nightmare that my Persian Dad found out that I write for Sex& Fessenjoon. And he wouldn’t speak to me, even as I pleaded while balling me eyes out.

I woke up feeling just as sad as I was in my dream, but confused why it affected me so much?

For me, #SEXANDFESSENJOON is all about thinking twice about all that you’ve always been told is wrong, or zesht (dirty, looked down on, ugly, etc).  And partially,

its about defending my right to get high in my underwear, by myself, after work–as a Persian girl.

Or my right to have sex outside of a relationship.

Or even my right to be INAPPROPRIATE.

Cause lets be real, there are too many fucking rules.

tumblr_lvnitvGWoa1r0eog2o1_500

My confession though– Some rules only make sense after your break them. 

Especially the ones that you break over and over again. Continue reading →

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Nov 26 2012
2 Comments
Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Joon, Saaghi, Torshideh and Desperate, What your momma didn't tell you

Jimmy Vestvood, Love Doctor

Joons -

We are still coming off from our Thanksgiving high and trying to work off all that additional weight we gained stuffing our faces with turkey and fessenjoon. We’re hoping you’re in better shape than we are. As a result, we’re trying to shake off that fessenjoon-goodness by letting someone else take the spotlight tonight.

We’ve had the opportunity to interview some amazing people – from bad asses Ashley Momtaheni and Nima Pourahmadi to rockstar IPANEEMA. So imagine our delight, when Comedian Maz Jobrani agreed to not just an interview — but to giving us some love advice. It sounds crazy — why would S&F need love advice? But you would be surprised…

To be honest, we were a little hesitant at first… What can Maz tell us that we don’t already know? Follow your heart? Bla bla bla. So we decided to investigate and we knew we found the right person for the job when we saw this:

INTRODUCING: JIMMY VESTVOOD.

Maz Jobrani 2.0 — a combination of Maz Jobrani’s comedic swagger, our Persian dads, and all around love guru.

Plus Jimmy’s an Amerikan hero — can you get any sexier than that?

Enjoy!

- Dear Jimmy,

My entire dating history consists of dating Iranian guys. It’s what my parents approve of – it’s the only “race” they will ever allow me to marry into. But lately, I’ve really been into guys outside of my culture. White guys, black guys … the forbidden fruit. I’ve just met this great black guy that I really want to date, but I’m too afraid my parents will never approve of him! What do I do? How do I get my parents to see things from my perspective?

Dees eez a question dat come up all de time in dees day and age. Az you know ve leev in a very melting pot, but I say…

Vhy only try tadeegh from de pot vhen you can have chow mein, black beans, red bens or even deep fried vhite fish. Continue reading →

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Nov 21 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Secondary Virgin, What the F

I’m A 9.9 on the Sex Scale

JOON JOONS,

As most of you know – I’m back home right now visiting the fam and Saaghi joooooooon.  Saaghi is slaving away at work right now so you guys are stuck with me.  Someone’s gotta make the $$$ to support me (looking at you Saaghi joonam).  Shout out to all of you who answered the poll in our last post -- Let’s just say 99% of you will never share your sex life with your parents.

Completely understood.

Personally – I let my mom think that I share everything with her, but if that were the honest to God truth — then I have been celibate for the last five years.

YEAH. RIGHT.

As “cool” as my mom thinks she is when it comes to sharing intimate details of my life, she still kicked me at the house at 18 when she found out I had given head.

#details

But that’s a story for another time.

I’ve been having a lot of R&R time with Saaghi – which totally beats out Skype dates because we can talk all about sex for as long as we want.

When I first lost my virginity – I went through a series (okay by series, I mean two) of hookups.  I had finally lost the V-CARD and I suddenly felt this sense of freedom.  I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, that I didn’t need to hold back when I was with a guy anymore because there wasn’t anything left to “lose.”  There were no more hymens left to break, excuses to come up with to ward off unwanted penetration, etc.

It was exhilarating – not just because I could finally have sex, but it was something different than what I had been experiencing (third base).  Within a span of a few months, I went from having one sexual partner to a total of three without even thinking twice about it (not all at once, thanks).

I’m free bitches

I didn’t really think about numbers when it came to sex.  I just thought – hey this feels new and I want to keep trying it until it feels good.  It was until I was in bed with a boy and he asked me what my “number” is that I started thinking, wait does this really matter?

I remember thinking, “Whew, at least it’s not high…” when I answered him.  And for a long time – that’s what deterred me from having sex.

My community and the fear of actually losing my virginity no longer discouraged me from having sex.  Instead all of that fear was replaced by the pressure and threat of judgement if I had slept with 10+ people. Continue reading →

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Nov 18 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, What your momma didn't tell you

Can I Get An OH With That

JOONs,

Saaghi and I are finally reunited after what feels like foreverrr – AKA blogspiration.  So check out our new poll below and let us know what you think.

I’m writing to you from the comfort of my mom’s couch.  Is it just me or is everything more comfortable at the parent’s house? The blankets are warmer, the food is better, the towels are softer.  I love coming home — and unlike before, I’ve mastered the art of avoiding their constant guilt trip.

“You’re leaving?”

Y-E-S.

“You don’t want to have dinner with us?” 

N-O.

I’ve had some difficulty coming up with ideas to write about.  Probably because my dating life is a little non-existent and my work life has basically taken over.  But, being so wrapped up with everything unrelated to sex makes me realize…  

that sometimes fantasizing is better than the real thing.

Unfortunately, in my life — fantasies don’t exist.  Imagining the perfect man springing you out of the strip club you’ve had to resort to is just a stupid dream that only slutty Persian girls think about.  Oh wait… just kidding.

The point is that every time I come home…

I’m reminded of the horror and nightmares that only Persian parents can put you through. Continue reading →

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Nov 16 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Keep Your Man and His Hands to Yourself

Happy Friday!  When it comes to a relationship — some of us just can’t handle being alone (wtfff…).  Check out our guest post this week — she’s not having that nonsense. TGIF! 

Joonies, I have a bone to pick with:

girls who can’t keep their men and boys who can’t keep it in their pants.

You know who I’m talking about, we’ve all seen them, have been friends with them, and yes, we’ve all talked behind their backs… I’m talking about the girl who thinks she’s got a great man and she’s latching on to him for dear life.

And the kind of guy that wants his girl to be around as he fucks up over and over, because aside from being a douchebag he has “the package”. (the mohandes, Doctore, lawyer, blablabla). Don’t get me wrong, I like a guy with “the package” (and a package, if you know what I mean) as much as the next girl but when your relationship becomes so toxic that it starts to fuck with your sanity, then you just need to stop, drop everything and just GET OUT. At the end of the day though, people do what they want– sticking around, taking it–and its really of no consequence to me… usually.

but then there are those girls who can’t deal with their own insecurity, especially when their man’s wandering eye lands on you. Continue reading →

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Oct 04 2012
2 Comments
Farrah, Give it to me, Good Little Muslim Girl, Secondary Virgin, Shitshows, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

I’m Going To Come

Hey joonies,

I feel like it’s been awhile since I’ve written about sex — I’ve been so stuck in my “corruption/people suck” phase that I almost forgot what this blog is really about.  S.E.X.

Or maybe it’s because I’ve been having so much sex lately (jk kinda) that I almost feel awkward writing about it because I feel like someone is going to tell on me (knowing the Persian community, they’re probably three steps ahead of all that). 

Oh well. If you’re dating/f#cking me, you’re collateral damage. #sorrynotsorry.

OMG I’m on S&F

^^ That was my last boyfriend’s reaction when I posted about him.

JUST KIDDING: He was NOT happy (click here).

Good sex comes with practice, bad sex comes naturally. Continue reading →

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