Tag Archives: Persian girls

Dec 26 2012
4 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate

Material Guy

Hihi joonies,

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas — I’m not trying to make a religious assertion here, but we know that most Iranians love to go all out for Christmas. Presents, the competition between families as to who has the better tree, who cooked the best dinner, who’s gained the most holiday weight, etc. – not that I’m complaining, I am not afraid to show off my holiday weight as long as they continue to feed me.

I LOVE tadig

I LOVE tadig

But I skipped PERSIAN/VERZION Christmas this year and instead hid out in a small town with some close friends. #cantcomplain

The best part about spending time with close friends during the holidays is not just the ability to avoid interrogations about where you’re going, what you’re eating, what you’re doing (love my family I swear) — but the best part really is being able to just talk about anything without worrying that your 16 year old brother is eavesdropping.

Most of my friends and I are pretty different.  We all chose different areas of work to pursue, we have different tastes in guys, different interests, but when it comes to boy trouble – our issues are usually the same.

Confusion over relationships is universal.

Sometimes I feel like relationships aren’t as innocent they used to be.  Back in high school, I had this boyfriend for two weeks and then that boyfriend for another two weeks. The concern over whether he had family values or was goal-oriented was never really an issue because in high school, we were in the moment rather than focusing on the future.

At least I was.

Now in my 20′s, every date I go on or every boy I meet, I go through a mental checklist to see if they meet up to my “desired needs” aka to see if they are list material.

rudd

I usually decide between the first five – ten minutes whether the guy I’m talking to meets my requirements (though I’ve been blinded many times). 

We all have that ideal perfect man drawn up in our head. Continue reading →

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Dec 18 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Persian Dad, Saaghi, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels.

Hola,

2012 is winding down, and I almost can’t believe it. How does time fly? New Years is always an appropriate time for reflection (cliche but inevitable) and I’ve been thinking more about myself, 10 years ago… It might be because my Pandora is set to 90s music? But when you’re 18, you can’t really reflect on what it was like when you were 8.  Now I’m at that age, where I remember what it was like 10, 8, 5 years ago. I remember why I thought the way I did, and why I did the things I did. And with all those memories– I can’t help but feel weird. Is that what happens when you get old– your younger self starts to become a bigger shadow?

Jeez, can I please not get old? #fountainofyouth

Anyway, the more I think about Saaghi circa early 2000s, I realize I haven’t confessed something that really haunted/dogged me for most of those years: My Body.

It’s no secret that Persians are very vocal about weight — “topol” (chubby) is a word that’s just tossed around, almost endearingly, but for a 13 year old girl– that word is damaging.

At least that’s how I felt about it. As a kid, I was never aware of what my body looked like to others. But when I hit puberty, and I had chipmunk cheeks, I was growing boobs, and I was all sorts of awkward–well, I became very aware of what my body looked like from the outside.

People’s comments only reinforced my insecurities and by the time I got to high school, I had also eaten my insecurities. Continue reading →

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Dec 16 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Flavor of the Week, Farrah

I’ll Have Seconds… And Thirds

Joonies,

I slept until 3 pm today.  Yeah… that’s right – I slept for over 12 hours and I was disgusted with myself for doing that.  So I went to the gym to make up for it – and rewarded myself with a nice big dinner.  Naturally. Well-played Sunday if you ask me.

I had a good weekend – spent it with friends – we went out to a fancy bar (oxymoron) last night and just spent the night dancing, flirting with boys (me), and … then me watching them make out with their boyfriends. Riveting.

I’m really lucky with my group of friends – they’re sweet, caring, always there for each other, good cooks (obviously that’s on my list of criteria), and we all have different types when it comes to guys… for the most part.

I like Persian, and they like everything else – which is a blessing because if that wasn’t the case, we would have a hard time meeting the “Girl Code.”

Girl Code: Never hook up with a friend’s ex-boyfriend/fling.

And I’m a big believer in that. I think friends are more important than getting fancy with a guy that they used to date… and frankly, there are enough fish in the sea where there just shouldn’t be an overlap.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable if my close friend was f#cking my ex – not because of “principle,” but because… that’s just weird if your friend dates someone you have history with.

no

Think about it – when you’re in a relationship, you share a certain degree of intimacy with your significant other.  Not just sex, but the emotions that sometimes come with it. How would you feel if your friend was sharing that same feeling with someone that made you feel a certain way?

I will never date someone my friend once did — not because it’s wrong, but because it brings awkwardness to a whole new level. Continue reading →

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Dec 03 2012
18 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Fetish, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, What the F

My DooDool Is Made of Gold

Hey Joonies,

It’s been a long day.  I’m tired. I just went on a cleaning rampage and now I feel like my entire body reeks of bleach. But shit needs to get done – ya feel me?

All I want to do tonight is relax and laugh.  

I’m going to pretend like I wasn’t planning to go for a run tonight – ugh why is running so hard? Better question is, why is it so much easier to eat something like this:

cupcakwe

Bomb

My type in food is … NO DISCRIMINATION – I love it all – minus the weird stuff, like cow tongue, cow BALLS, kalehpacheh, and all the weird shit our culture claims is okay to eat.

When it comes to dating, my type is starting to become more of a disappointment/ball buster than a night well spent.

I have a tendency to go for the unemployed, douchey, mama’s boys.

I’m not really sure what the appeal is in that — wish I could say that they’re really packing it (if ya know what I mean). But the reality is they’re equally lacking in that area.

#khaktosarem / #mommyissues?

Men who don’t have a lot to offer have a tendency to overcompensate in an effort to hide their true colors until you’re hooked. Continue reading →

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Nov 21 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Secondary Virgin, What the F

I’m A 9.9 on the Sex Scale

JOON JOONS,

As most of you know – I’m back home right now visiting the fam and Saaghi joooooooon.  Saaghi is slaving away at work right now so you guys are stuck with me.  Someone’s gotta make the $$$ to support me (looking at you Saaghi joonam).  Shout out to all of you who answered the poll in our last post -- Let’s just say 99% of you will never share your sex life with your parents.

Completely understood.

Personally – I let my mom think that I share everything with her, but if that were the honest to God truth — then I have been celibate for the last five years.

YEAH. RIGHT.

As “cool” as my mom thinks she is when it comes to sharing intimate details of my life, she still kicked me at the house at 18 when she found out I had given head.

#details

But that’s a story for another time.

I’ve been having a lot of R&R time with Saaghi – which totally beats out Skype dates because we can talk all about sex for as long as we want.

When I first lost my virginity – I went through a series (okay by series, I mean two) of hookups.  I had finally lost the V-CARD and I suddenly felt this sense of freedom.  I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, that I didn’t need to hold back when I was with a guy anymore because there wasn’t anything left to “lose.”  There were no more hymens left to break, excuses to come up with to ward off unwanted penetration, etc.

It was exhilarating – not just because I could finally have sex, but it was something different than what I had been experiencing (third base).  Within a span of a few months, I went from having one sexual partner to a total of three without even thinking twice about it (not all at once, thanks).

I’m free bitches

I didn’t really think about numbers when it came to sex.  I just thought – hey this feels new and I want to keep trying it until it feels good.  It was until I was in bed with a boy and he asked me what my “number” is that I started thinking, wait does this really matter?

I remember thinking, “Whew, at least it’s not high…” when I answered him.  And for a long time – that’s what deterred me from having sex.

My community and the fear of actually losing my virginity no longer discouraged me from having sex.  Instead all of that fear was replaced by the pressure and threat of judgement if I had slept with 10+ people. Continue reading →

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Nov 18 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, What your momma didn't tell you

Can I Get An OH With That

JOONs,

Saaghi and I are finally reunited after what feels like foreverrr – AKA blogspiration.  So check out our new poll below and let us know what you think.

I’m writing to you from the comfort of my mom’s couch.  Is it just me or is everything more comfortable at the parent’s house? The blankets are warmer, the food is better, the towels are softer.  I love coming home — and unlike before, I’ve mastered the art of avoiding their constant guilt trip.

“You’re leaving?”

Y-E-S.

“You don’t want to have dinner with us?” 

N-O.

I’ve had some difficulty coming up with ideas to write about.  Probably because my dating life is a little non-existent and my work life has basically taken over.  But, being so wrapped up with everything unrelated to sex makes me realize…  

that sometimes fantasizing is better than the real thing.

Unfortunately, in my life — fantasies don’t exist.  Imagining the perfect man springing you out of the strip club you’ve had to resort to is just a stupid dream that only slutty Persian girls think about.  Oh wait… just kidding.

The point is that every time I come home…

I’m reminded of the horror and nightmares that only Persian parents can put you through. Continue reading →

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Nov 16 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Keep Your Man and His Hands to Yourself

Happy Friday!  When it comes to a relationship — some of us just can’t handle being alone (wtfff…).  Check out our guest post this week — she’s not having that nonsense. TGIF! 

Joonies, I have a bone to pick with:

girls who can’t keep their men and boys who can’t keep it in their pants.

You know who I’m talking about, we’ve all seen them, have been friends with them, and yes, we’ve all talked behind their backs… I’m talking about the girl who thinks she’s got a great man and she’s latching on to him for dear life.

And the kind of guy that wants his girl to be around as he fucks up over and over, because aside from being a douchebag he has “the package”. (the mohandes, Doctore, lawyer, blablabla). Don’t get me wrong, I like a guy with “the package” (and a package, if you know what I mean) as much as the next girl but when your relationship becomes so toxic that it starts to fuck with your sanity, then you just need to stop, drop everything and just GET OUT. At the end of the day though, people do what they want– sticking around, taking it–and its really of no consequence to me… usually.

but then there are those girls who can’t deal with their own insecurity, especially when their man’s wandering eye lands on you. Continue reading →

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Nov 15 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Give it to me, Saaghi, Shut the Front Door, What the F

All-Star CockBlock

salaaam.

I’ve been so MIA. even though I apologized for it last week? I seem like those douchey guys I can’t get enough of …

Well, it hasn’t been all work and no play– that’s why there’s so much to catch you guys up on, like totally OMG! I had quite the weekend, but I need to collect my..uh..thoughts..before I post it all over the WWW.

tears of joy, i promise.

But a few weeks ago I had an epiphany– in the backseat of my car, high out of my mind with the only other PURRsian I can stand to get stoned with ;)

I am my own cockblock.

I am my own natural contraceptive, and I did not know this until the moment where I started really imagining what things looked like from the guy’s perspective– and of course, I could only do this if I was very high because my empathy usually only extends to women #sexism.

Maybe all of this will be “uh, duh!” for you all, but for me its kind of shocking:

1. You’re not Funny to someone who you have never met.

I never really hesitate to crack a joke, or a sarcastic remark– even if I have only met the guy for a few seconds. My logic isn’t “hide behind sarcasm”, its more– ooo there’s an opportunity, go for it! And I always assume people will get it, and even if they don’t…maybe they’ll find it endearing?

Nope.

image

Like when I tell a guy my voice sounds like a cow dying?  Hahaa?

My quick “seize the moment” reflex doesn’t always make sense to the other person and I realize now I can quickly go from “girl I’m trying to get to know” to “uh, girl just got weird on me”.

Jokes usually need context, or a little backstory. Especially via email, text, fbook– so much sarcasm and “wit” and “humor” gets lost in translation. Continue reading →

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Nov 12 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate

I’m Coco Chanel

Hey hey joons,

Looks like I owe you all an apology too – for being MIA.  But I’ve been AT work … as in haven’t come home in the past five days.  Man, the real world is not a joke.  Badbakhty keshidim.  (just kidding – love my job, even when it requires me to be serious for five minutes). 

And as you can imagine – being MIA really just means that I have a LOT to tell you all.  I’ve been trying a few new things lately – going to new restaurants, hiking (or just walking a lot), going to the gym, and even dating more seriously (sex is so overrated – LOL I can’t even say that with a serious face).

I’ve always been very closed off when it comes to dating guys seriously.  Most of the time, I just start to feel claustrophobic after awhile because I feel like a guy can keep me from opportunities (unfair — and analysis for a later time). 

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

But I recognize that flaw in myself and I’ve been trying to overcome it.  Clearly, I’m not doing very well.  I started dating someone in the summer and almost immediately, we branded ourselves with the title (boyfriend/girlfriend).  Not something I’m usually into – but for the sake of being more “open-minded,” I thought #LEGGO.

In the past two-three months, I got a crash course in what a “relationship” really is.

Being someone’s girlfriend comes with a lot of responsibility.  You can’t just tell someone they’re your boyfriend and call it a day.

That’s the problem — when you jump into something, you don’t really realize that there are standards you have to fulfill until it’s too late.

Calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend after only a few weeks is a desperate act to ensure they won’t sleep with or kiss anyone else while you’re dating them.

You can’t just brand someone with a title because you want them all to yourself. Continue reading →

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Oct 29 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Douche of the Week, Farrah, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Torshideh and Desperate

We Play By My Rules

Joon joons,

Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, I’ve been quarantined off to my room for the past day (and tomorrow).  Crazy wind and rain got nothing on me – I’m still kicking. To all our readers on the East Coast — stay safe and dry.  Sandy can’t touch this.

I’m not really a fan of break-ups.  For obvious reasons, I’m sure most of us aren’t. If I’m the one who wants to do the dumping, I will do everything in my power to avoid it and encourage the other person to do it for me.  I’m so mature, clearly.

My go-to move: “let’s take a break” in hopes that in those few days, the guy will come to his senses.  That rarely happens.

Honesty is always the best policy.

The one time I was dumped when it wasn’t on my terms – it devastated me.  Love was never really a factor and my lack of worthy relationship experience didn’t really prepare me for what followed the breakup.

I turned into one of those girls that I’d always looked down at — crying constantly…

I started my job the day after he dumped me so having to be the “new girl” with a fake smile on my face was probably one of the hardest things in my first few weeks of work.  I couldn’t eat my lunch, I would escape to the bathroom to keep tears from falling in front of everyone, and I cried everyday on the metro back home after work.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that — sometimes you just have to purge out your pain but…

The real world isn’t going to wait for you to sulk over your ex-boyfriend. Continue reading →

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