Tag Archives: sex

Apr 25 2013
6 Comments
Joon, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Magic Johnson & My Persian Dad

For the sake of this post, I’m going to explain the reason for my long absence ( did you even miss me?!)

At the beginning of this month, I suffered somewhat of a breakdown. Too much pressure, pent up and unreleased, can do that to you. I’m just one of those people that is hardest on herself, and too forgiving of everyone else. #RECIPEFORDISASTER

Soon after, I felt a lot of physical symptoms– Then I had a lump on my neck. Then two. Then six. My lymph nodes were swollen, but I had never experienced that before, so I rushed to the doctor — who told me not to worry, my body was fighting something and, I’d probably get better in a week. Days went by, and I just got worse.

Doctors were talking about ‘Mono’. Then Cancer. Then TB.  then back to Mono. And then…HIV.

Now, given, the Healthcare system in America is jacked, yet you still never want to hear the words ‘HIV’ and ‘AIDS’ and ‘possible’ in the same sentence. It really drove me crazy. Even though I knew it wasn’t the only possibility, the fact that it was on the table as a matter of discussion just made me nuts. I started to rewind the tape on my past, questioning everything and mentally slapping myself for it all.

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When I got home, I overheard my parents talking about me in their room. I walked in and my Dad turned to me and said in Persian,

“Saaghi, tell me straight. Has there always been protection?” Continue reading →

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Feb 04 2013
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Saaghi, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

Make Me Submissive, Baby

Happy Monday = R.I.P weekend

It was Superbowl weekend, and even though Niners lost– it was probably the best football game I’ve ever watched.

Jim Harbaugh proved that I have more in common with an NFL coach than I thought possible.

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So this post is partially an ode to Jim Harbaugh, who perfectly embodies the frustrated and helpless younger sibling in all of us.

In an earlier post, Farrah Joon talked about her take on dominating in the bedroom…and how it’s a lot better, when the guy takes control.  And to borrow a quote from the lovely lady that I think described her point definition of “DOMINATING”:

“HE TOOK CONTROL AND HE GAVE IT TO ME THE WAY HE KNEW I WOULD LIKE IT.” - Fifty Shades of Joon

And really, its true…while it may vary from girl to girl, almost all women like it when the man exercises some control. And without passing judgment, I have to ask:

Why? Why do we like it when a man plays the Dominant to our Submissive?

The ‘S’ word may be a dirty one, but deep down, every bad b*tch wants an equally (or more) powerful male to pin her down and give it to her good. Continue reading →

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Jan 27 2013
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Give it to me, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Weekend Winning, What the F, What your momma didn't tell you

If All Else Fails, PLAN B.

Hello hello,

A freshly waxed Saaghi is writing to you. Kinda has me singing nails done, hair done..oh you fancy huh?

Its been a big weekend — SHOP JOON is up.

Get your #JOON game on:

sex&joon

sex&joon

Have you noticed that I (Saaghi) haven’t blogged about sex in awhile? Or did you guys think I had somehow transformed into an asexual being…?

Well, joonies, I’ve been having lots of sex…with only one person. (Uh oh, you know what that means…) And as amazingly wonderful as the sex is, we recently hit something kind of like a hurdle…

A Broken Condom.

Or should I say a torn condom? Idk, whatever its called…it happened. and Bad news is, I’m not on birth control.

In fact, I’ve never been on birth control. While most of my friends started before they were even sexually active (for various other reasons), I never really needed to be on it. My skin was fine, my periods were regular, and I guess my hormones have always had their act together. And its a blessing because I don’t think I could really remember to take a pill everyday, no matter if I know how bad the consequences could be.

And when I did become sexually active, I tried to make sure the guy wrapped it up before anything happened. The first time I visited the gyno, she lectured me on all the different forms of Birth Control (BC) and how “just a condom” was still a risk. I just nodded, smiled, and threw the brochure away…

Maybe I’m ignorant but somehow, I don’t like the idea of putting hormones in my body and getting all crazy. Yet, am I fighting the inevitable? Continue reading →

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Jan 07 2013
26 Comments
Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Saaghi

Help A Sista Out!

Hey joonies,

Every so often – we get emails asking for advice or our opinion on a certain situation.  Of course, this makes us feel great as sex wizards but — we don’t always have the answer. A lot of times, we are still trying to figure out our own love lives and the best advice we can offer is what we’ve learned through our own experiences.

With that said, we received an email recently asking us for very specific advice. And because we aren’t really sex wizards, we decided to open up the floor to our joonies – help a sista out:

Do Persian men ever marry non-Persian women?

Especially black women.

whatevs

I am talking about a non-Muslim (he’s Baha’i), Iran born, USA raised man.

Or do they only date people from another ethnicity with no intention of  ever marrying them?

Background: I’ve known and been involved with him for about two and a half years.  I’ve never met his family — who he lives with. I’ve asked him to be straight with me: is it because I am not Persian or the same religion? He claims no. He says that it’s because once you meet them – then all the floodgates will open and his parents will keep asking when we are going to get married and have kids. I countered that by saying we will just have to explain to his parents that we are not ready for all of that yet especially, financially. To which he said that reasoning will fall on deaf ears.

So ladies, what do you think? Am I barking up the wrong tree with all Persian and Middle Eastern men? Clearly, some of them do marry outside of their race — shout out to Tehran SOParvaz. But, are the odds not in my favor?   Continue reading →

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Jan 01 2013
3 Comments
Farrah, Saaghi

One Year of Sex & Joon

2013 is here, and this past year has been a wild ride for S&F. We started at the end of 2011, and in all honesty, we didn’t know if anyone would read the sh!t we posted online. When in the second week, the site hit 100 views– it felt like we had hit the jackpot.

We’ve never really had expectations and that is probably why everything about Sex&Fessenjoon has just been a crazy surprise.

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Nothing has been more surprising than how much it has become a part of who we each are – as writers for this site. So as an ode to a year of posts that covered everything from divorce to rape, we want to tell the story of what this blog has done for our lives.

the good & the bad.

SAAGHI:

Since this blog launched, I have gotten a lot of questions: Are you the writer for S&F? Do you know the writers? Who are they? 

Honestly, some people I lie to, and some I tell the truth. But now more recently, I find it so much harder to deny because it is a HUGE part of my life, in the sense that its something I invest a lot of time and effort in. I hold a full time job that sometimes requires 80+ hours/week– but there is not a day that goes by, that there is not AT LEAST one conversation between Farrah and I about Sex & Fessenjoon – whether its a blog post, brainstorming, strategy, interviews, etc.

You are what you do. and I do S&F. So I can’t keep it hidden.

Anonymity isn’t this wall that I hide behind, but it is how I protect the people that I love. Unfortunately, with all the questions that people ask, and the suspicions that they have– I know my confirmation or denial will come with a judgment. It’s natural, and especially in the Iranian-American community, a STAMP will be put on my forehead like a Scarlet letter.

‘S’ for Sex blogger. S for Scandal. S for shame.

I don’t care about my reputation (most of the time). But I care A LOT about my family and my friends. As much as I want to take credit for everything that I’ve done for this baby of mine, I know that there will be people who will shun not just me, but my family– and they will judge and talk sh!t.

My parents have done nothing but sacrifice for me and struggle to give me a blessed life. In return, I cannot make their life harder. I know they will stand by me even if they don’t understand, but that is not something I want to ask them to do. Continue reading →

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Nov 30 2012
1 Comment
Flavor of the Week, Good Little Jewish Girl, Good Little Muslim Girl, Joon, Last Night, NAStY HAAwT, Saaghi, Uncategorized, Weekend Winning, What your momma didn't tell you

Persian Girl Gone Wild.

Saaghi here. Its hard to follow after Maz/Jimmy Vestvood, but I’m going to try.

I worked an 18 hour day yesterday, and so tonight, I came home and got high. Loner stoner is not my usual thing- actually never–but Ive discovered  a new level stress thanks to my job. Its even giving me bad dreams, like last night–

I had a nightmare that my Persian Dad found out that I write for Sex& Fessenjoon. And he wouldn’t speak to me, even as I pleaded while balling me eyes out.

I woke up feeling just as sad as I was in my dream, but confused why it affected me so much?

For me, #SEXANDFESSENJOON is all about thinking twice about all that you’ve always been told is wrong, or zesht (dirty, looked down on, ugly, etc).  And partially,

its about defending my right to get high in my underwear, by myself, after work–as a Persian girl.

Or my right to have sex outside of a relationship.

Or even my right to be INAPPROPRIATE.

Cause lets be real, there are too many fucking rules.

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My confession though– Some rules only make sense after your break them. 

Especially the ones that you break over and over again. Continue reading →

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Nov 21 2012
1 Comment
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Give it to me, Secondary Virgin, What the F

I’m A 9.9 on the Sex Scale

JOON JOONS,

As most of you know – I’m back home right now visiting the fam and Saaghi joooooooon.  Saaghi is slaving away at work right now so you guys are stuck with me.  Someone’s gotta make the $$$ to support me (looking at you Saaghi joonam).  Shout out to all of you who answered the poll in our last post -- Let’s just say 99% of you will never share your sex life with your parents.

Completely understood.

Personally – I let my mom think that I share everything with her, but if that were the honest to God truth — then I have been celibate for the last five years.

YEAH. RIGHT.

As “cool” as my mom thinks she is when it comes to sharing intimate details of my life, she still kicked me at the house at 18 when she found out I had given head.

#details

But that’s a story for another time.

I’ve been having a lot of R&R time with Saaghi – which totally beats out Skype dates because we can talk all about sex for as long as we want.

When I first lost my virginity – I went through a series (okay by series, I mean two) of hookups.  I had finally lost the V-CARD and I suddenly felt this sense of freedom.  I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, that I didn’t need to hold back when I was with a guy anymore because there wasn’t anything left to “lose.”  There were no more hymens left to break, excuses to come up with to ward off unwanted penetration, etc.

It was exhilarating – not just because I could finally have sex, but it was something different than what I had been experiencing (third base).  Within a span of a few months, I went from having one sexual partner to a total of three without even thinking twice about it (not all at once, thanks).

I’m free bitches

I didn’t really think about numbers when it came to sex.  I just thought – hey this feels new and I want to keep trying it until it feels good.  It was until I was in bed with a boy and he asked me what my “number” is that I started thinking, wait does this really matter?

I remember thinking, “Whew, at least it’s not high…” when I answered him.  And for a long time – that’s what deterred me from having sex.

My community and the fear of actually losing my virginity no longer discouraged me from having sex.  Instead all of that fear was replaced by the pressure and threat of judgement if I had slept with 10+ people. Continue reading →

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Nov 16 2012
5 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate, Joon

Keep Your Man and His Hands to Yourself

Happy Friday!  When it comes to a relationship — some of us just can’t handle being alone (wtfff…).  Check out our guest post this week — she’s not having that nonsense. TGIF! 

Joonies, I have a bone to pick with:

girls who can’t keep their men and boys who can’t keep it in their pants.

You know who I’m talking about, we’ve all seen them, have been friends with them, and yes, we’ve all talked behind their backs… I’m talking about the girl who thinks she’s got a great man and she’s latching on to him for dear life.

And the kind of guy that wants his girl to be around as he fucks up over and over, because aside from being a douchebag he has “the package”. (the mohandes, Doctore, lawyer, blablabla). Don’t get me wrong, I like a guy with “the package” (and a package, if you know what I mean) as much as the next girl but when your relationship becomes so toxic that it starts to fuck with your sanity, then you just need to stop, drop everything and just GET OUT. At the end of the day though, people do what they want– sticking around, taking it–and its really of no consequence to me… usually.

but then there are those girls who can’t deal with their own insecurity, especially when their man’s wandering eye lands on you. Continue reading →

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Nov 15 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Give it to me, Saaghi, Shut the Front Door, What the F

All-Star CockBlock

salaaam.

I’ve been so MIA. even though I apologized for it last week? I seem like those douchey guys I can’t get enough of …

Well, it hasn’t been all work and no play– that’s why there’s so much to catch you guys up on, like totally OMG! I had quite the weekend, but I need to collect my..uh..thoughts..before I post it all over the WWW.

tears of joy, i promise.

But a few weeks ago I had an epiphany– in the backseat of my car, high out of my mind with the only other PURRsian I can stand to get stoned with ;)

I am my own cockblock.

I am my own natural contraceptive, and I did not know this until the moment where I started really imagining what things looked like from the guy’s perspective– and of course, I could only do this if I was very high because my empathy usually only extends to women #sexism.

Maybe all of this will be “uh, duh!” for you all, but for me its kind of shocking:

1. You’re not Funny to someone who you have never met.

I never really hesitate to crack a joke, or a sarcastic remark– even if I have only met the guy for a few seconds. My logic isn’t “hide behind sarcasm”, its more– ooo there’s an opportunity, go for it! And I always assume people will get it, and even if they don’t…maybe they’ll find it endearing?

Nope.

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Like when I tell a guy my voice sounds like a cow dying?  Hahaa?

My quick “seize the moment” reflex doesn’t always make sense to the other person and I realize now I can quickly go from “girl I’m trying to get to know” to “uh, girl just got weird on me”.

Jokes usually need context, or a little backstory. Especially via email, text, fbook– so much sarcasm and “wit” and “humor” gets lost in translation. Continue reading →

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Nov 12 2012
2 Comments
Divooneh Bitches, Farrah, Flavor of the Week, Guys I'd date, My Dad would hate

I’m Coco Chanel

Hey hey joons,

Looks like I owe you all an apology too – for being MIA.  But I’ve been AT work … as in haven’t come home in the past five days.  Man, the real world is not a joke.  Badbakhty keshidim.  (just kidding – love my job, even when it requires me to be serious for five minutes). 

And as you can imagine – being MIA really just means that I have a LOT to tell you all.  I’ve been trying a few new things lately – going to new restaurants, hiking (or just walking a lot), going to the gym, and even dating more seriously (sex is so overrated – LOL I can’t even say that with a serious face).

I’ve always been very closed off when it comes to dating guys seriously.  Most of the time, I just start to feel claustrophobic after awhile because I feel like a guy can keep me from opportunities (unfair — and analysis for a later time). 

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

But I recognize that flaw in myself and I’ve been trying to overcome it.  Clearly, I’m not doing very well.  I started dating someone in the summer and almost immediately, we branded ourselves with the title (boyfriend/girlfriend).  Not something I’m usually into – but for the sake of being more “open-minded,” I thought #LEGGO.

In the past two-three months, I got a crash course in what a “relationship” really is.

Being someone’s girlfriend comes with a lot of responsibility.  You can’t just tell someone they’re your boyfriend and call it a day.

That’s the problem — when you jump into something, you don’t really realize that there are standards you have to fulfill until it’s too late.

Calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend after only a few weeks is a desperate act to ensure they won’t sleep with or kiss anyone else while you’re dating them.

You can’t just brand someone with a title because you want them all to yourself. Continue reading →

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